Soul Meets Body
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: Nobody said that finding that one perfect person was going to be easy. The interns of Seattle Grace know that all too well. Meredith/Derek/Mark, Alex/Izzie, Izzie/Mark, George/Callie, Mark/Lexie, Alex/Rebecca
1. I Bruise Easily

_Recommended song to listen to while reading: going to end up alone. Like me. Pretty girl like you, would be a shame for that to happen. You need to get out there, meet people, date._

The pale yellow ceramic bowl sat untouched on the coffee table before her. The vanilla ice cream, with the butterscotch topping, was slowly melting into a messy mixture of yellow and off white. Comfort food wasn't offering comfort. Drawing her legs up her chest, Izzie rests her chin in the hollow created between her knees. She shivers slightly, the oversized t shirt she had thrown on doing nothing to keep her warm. The heels of her feet dig into the couch cushion, raising the side up a bit. Sighing, she lets her legs drop back down to the floor, her head falling back. One lone tear rolls down her cheek. She never should have listened to that old man. No. That wasn't entirely fair. His words had been honest, they had been the truth. It wasn't his fault she had accepted a date with a known man whore. Or that said man whore had taken her to an Italian restaurant where they served a liberal amount of wine with the dinner.

A creak on the stairs catches her attention. Slouching further down on the couch, Izzie peers over the arm, her eyes widening a bit. Hair flying in every direction, blouse only half way buttoned, shoes in hand, Lexie Grey came storming down the stairs. Alex wasn't far behind her. They both wore dark scowls, as though an argument had transpired.

"You're a real prick, you know that?" Lexie hissed. If Alex was going to justify the remark he didn't get his chance. Letting out a gush of air, Lexie slammed out of the house, the glass in the door rattling as the door .

"Nice to see some things don't change," Izzie snickered, tucking her feet underneath her. She wasn't going to judge. It wasn't up to her who Alex brought home, or what he did with them. Their past was just that, the past.

"She'll get over it." Alex dropped next to her, his thigh brushing against her feet. "You going to eat that or watch it melt?" He nods toward the ice cream.

"Help yourself." She shifts positions, pulling the shirt as far down over her thighs as possible. Small purple bruises were already starting to come up on her outer thighs were Mark had gripped them. A flush creeps up her face, a sickening feeling twisting in her stomach. "So, what exactly is it she is suppose to get over?"

"That I'm not interested." He groans slightly as he dribbles half melted ice cream and butterscotch syrup off the spoon and into his opened mouth. She looks away, hating the thoughts that came to mind. In her bed, upstairs, was a naked Mark Sloan. A clearly just fucked Lexie Gray had stormed out of here. Time for thinking about Alex, ice cream, and butterscotch syrup was gone. Done. Never again. "Sometimes, I feel like I must have Fixer Upper tattooed on my forehead."

"You're fine the way you are. You shouldn't have to change for someone to love you." The words are almost murmured as she lays her head back once more, closing her eyes. The sickening in her stomach kept churning even more. "Alex? We're friends right?" Turning her head, opening her eyes, she stares at him.

"Yeah. I guess you could call us that." He licks more ice cream from the spoon.

"I mean, the kind of friends that talk." Izzie maneuvers herself until she is sitting with her back to the arm of the sofa, her legs crossed over one another.

"Is that what you want? For us to be the kind of friends who talk?" The spoon clatters against the side of the bowl as he sets it back on the coffee table, empty this time. He looks at her, his light brown eyes intense.

"Yeah. I do. I really need a friend right now." Izzie blinks, hating the burn in her eyes. "My life is so fucked up. I am so tired of everything being fucked up. When does it stop? When do I stop? It seems like all I do is fuck up. First, I make you feel like crap…which I'm sorry, so sorry Alex…and then I kill Denny. No, I know, I didn't kill him, kill him, but I might as well have. Then, I screwed up with things with George. I slept with him, Alex. I slept with George. George! To make matters worse, I convinced myself I had to be in love with him. Some sort of sick twisted justification, I guess. And, now, I have Mark. Upstairs. In my bed. All because some patient said I needed to date and Mark was the first guy to ask afterwards."

Alex stares at her. An odd look crossed over his face. "Wow. Can't say I was ready for that. Okay, well, you don't have to apologize to me. I was…am…an ass. I've had worse things said to me than the stuff you threw at me. And, in a way, I had it coming. I said some not so nice things to. As for the rest of it…We can't live our whole life around one moment, or a mistake. Where would that get us? No where. What's the use in living if we're not going anywhere?"

It was her turn to stare. The tip of her tongue darts out, running across her lips. Whatever she had been expecting, that wasn't it. Part of her had wanted him to yell at her, to confirm that her life was as fucked up as she made it out to be. Instead, he had pretty much told her to get over it, to move on. "What if we don't like the direction we're going?"

"You change directions. Life is only as complicated as you let it be. Damn. Now I'm sounding like one of those talk show shrinks." Alex chuckles, rubbing his thumb over his chin where a dribble of ice cream had fell.

"No. You're right. I make things complicated. I just…I don't know how to do uncomplicated. I don't know how to be...that girl. The one who just…" She trails off. There was no explaining why she didn't sleep around. Not unless she wanted to delve into the Hannah issue. She wasn't ready for that. Not yet. Some day, but not today. "I just have to make things uncomplicated. Just…go with the flow. Stop worrying about mistakes."

"Right. Cause if you think about it, nothing is ever really a mistake. At some point it was exactly what you wanted." Alex's gaze traveled to the stairs. "Unless you want me to kick his ass."

Izzie laughs softly, shaking her head. "No. You're right. I think a part of me knew it would end up like this. I mean, he's Mark. He doesn't ever just ask a woman out on a date."

"Yeah, but you're not just any woman. Who knows, maybe he's changed." Alex flops back on the end of the sofa, closing his eyes. One arm falls over his face. A moment later a soft snore slips past his lips. She smiles faintly, then pulls the chenille throw from the back of the sofa, draping it over him.

"I think you're the one who changed." Izzie stares down at his sleeping form, tugging on the hem of the shirt. It had once been his. She wonders if that was a sign or something. She shrugs the thought off, padding across the living room and up the stairs. The sick feeling in the pit of her stomach eases a bit. Life was short. Alex was right about that. Taking a deep breath, she slides back into the bed, trying not to flinch when Mark's arm wraps around her waist.


	2. Hate Me

-1

Women scorned had big mouths. It would have done him well to remember that bit of information. It would have also done him well not to take an intern under his charge to Joe's for drinks. Shaking his head, Alex toys with the edge of the chart. He let's the paper slide past his thumb, making a whirring noise. Sighing, he taps his fingers against the same chart, not quite sure what he was doing. Hell, that was the story of his life, not knowing what the fuck he was doing.

"Can I please have the Johnson chart?" The waspish tone could belong to nobody else other than the woman he had scorned. Jaw tight, Lexie stood, hand out. Her lips were puckered up, as though someone had shoved a lemon in her mouth.

"What makes you think I'm going to even give you a case after the shit you said about me?" Grabbing the chart in both hands, he held it tightly. "Did you really think that going home with a guy you met in a bar would lead to true love?" Low blow, very low blow. A moment of hurt clouded her smoky blue eyes.

"Did you have to be such an asshole about everything? I asked if you wanted to get dinner sometime, not if you wanted a house in the 'burbs with two kids and a dog. You really have to get over yourself!" Lexie snatched the chart from his hands, tossed her dark hair over her shoulder and, shoe squeaking slightly on the tile, spun on the ball of her foot. He watches for a moment as she stalks off, head held high. Yeah, she was Meredith's sister alright.

"You certainly know how to charm them."

Alex's body froze. If it was possible, the blood circulating his body stopped moving. "Av…Rebecca." A ghost of a smile tips the corners of his mouth as he turns to face the woman he should have run after sooner. She looked the same, yet different. Her hair was shorter, grazing her shoulders, and bounced in auburn streaked curls. He had no idea if the style, or the dark green sweater dress she wore, were usual for her or not. She looked good though. Damn good. "How are you?"

"Fine. Good. Trying to put my life together. I can't go back to being who I was, yet I'm not sure I want to be someone else either." She self consciously lifts her fingers to touch her hair. "I just know that I can't stop thinking about you, and I don't know, maybe we owe it to ourselves to see where this…whatever this is between us…goes."

Was she serious? With Av-Rebecca it was hard to tell. It was like she had some internal switch that flipped randomly. It was so good to have her this close again, to have her saying the words he had longed for her to say, he brushed aside thoughts of concern over her stability, thoughts of blonde's with sad brown eyes who would never love him back. "Yeah. I think you're right. I think we do owe it to ourselves." The moment the words left his mouth a trickle of doubt sneaks in. He tries to dismiss it, only it wouldn't be dismissed. It grew a bit more when Rebecca threw her arms around him, pressing her lips against his. The skin wasn't soft, but a bit dry and chapped. A trivial matter. Was the feeling of guilt that he felt when Izzie exited a nearby patients room trivial as well? He didn't allow himself to exam that thought, just looked away from the sad brown eyed blonde he couldn't get out of his heart.


	3. Into The Ocean

-1

The sand was warm beneath her toes. Grains of it worked between each toe, tickling a bit. Wiggling her feet deeper into the warmth, Meredith stares out at the azure blue of the ocean. There was nothing as startling a blue as the Caribbean Sea. No. That wasn't entirely true. Derek's eyes were bluer. Sun kissed arms wrap around a waist left bare by a brown and turquoise bikini. It wasn't her own slender arms she wanted to feel but the strong, comforting one's of Derek.

"You look deep in thought, which implies you are thinking about the him in your life. Correct me if I am wrong but I thought we agreed no thinking about him's for two weeks." Cristina's emotionless voice cuts into the melancholy musings of Derek's arms.

Meredith turns her head to the left, a lock of her honey colored hair, streaked golden by the sun, flicks across her face. She brushes it back, only to have the breeze coming off the ocean send it fluttering back. "What makes you think I was thinking about Derek?"

"You had that 'I'm thinking about Derek' look on your face. You should call him, Mere. You should call im and tell him that you miss him, that you love him. Don't be like me. Don't just assume he is always going to be waiting because one day…he might surprise you and actually walk away." There was an odd catch in Cristina's voice. Sighing, she drops into the sand, letting her feet stretch out before her, the surf teasing her feet.

"Maybe I want him to walk away," Meredith defended. Liar. She didn't want him walking away. She wanted him to chase her, to save her before she drowned in the misery that was her life. Except it wasn't entirely fair, expecting so much from him when she had so little to offer.

"If you wanted him to walk away you would be cozying up to one of the hot cabana boys instead of standing alone on a beach thinking about him. Call him. Right now. Go back to the hotel and call him!"

Looking down, Meredith shakes her head. Calling him wouldn't solve anything. He would make another McDreamy declaration of love. One she would latch onto. She couldn't keep latching. It wasn't fair. Not to him. Not to herself. As hard as it was, as much as it hurt, for the time being she had to let him walk away.


	4. Take This Ring Off

-1

Slowly it was starting to piece together. Bits of conversations, the looks, all of the apologies he offered when there really was no reason for him to apologize. As the puzzle pieces made the whole picture a sickening feeling churned deep within her. With shaking hands Callie applied the last of the plaster to seven year old Walter Cantrell's broken arm. In a voice that was equally shaky she instructed the mother on at home care. The signature on the prescription she wrote barely looked like her own. The moment she was able to escape the small exam room the weight of reality crashed down on her.

George had slept with Izzie. Bile raised in the back of her throat. George had slept with Izzie. Her dark gaze darts around for a nearby trash can. The only one available was the small plastic one beneath the nurses station. She grabs for it, raising it as the contents of her stomach make their way up her throat and into her mouth. Around her whispers could be heard. She didn't care.

"Callie? Are you…are you okay?"

The sound of his voice sends her into another fit of heaving. Nothing came up this time. There was nothing left to come up. Not listening to the protests Debbie made, Callie set the small trash can on the counter. With blood shot eyes, a white rimmed mouth, and trembling lips she turned to face him. To face the man who had betrayed her. "You slept with her, didn't you? The night we got into that fight…the night I told you to get out you ran to Izzie and you slept with her." He didn't have to deny or acknowledge, the look on his face said it all. The guilt that clouded his blue eyes, the way his mouth worked out the now familiar 'I'm sorry.' Not thinking she raises her hand, smacking him across the face. "I hope she was worth it. I hope that fucking blonde whore was worth it!" People were staring. She didn't care. "Was she George? Was Izzie worth it? Did she make you feel more like a man? The nobody fucking the big boobed blonde underwear model. Yeah. I bet that made you feel really good." Blind rage consumes her, he fingers flexing, open and shut, by her side.

"She isn't a whore," George whispered. His gaze stays focused on her face. His face. She use to love his face. It wasn't the most handsome but to her it had been beautiful. She loved every plane and valley of his face, had memorized it with her fingertips. Now, the sight of him made her sick.

"Right, she's the fucking virgin Mary who kept herself pure for her one true love George. Get real. You think you mean anything to her? That what you did together meant anything? It didn't. It was just her proving her point. That when it came right down to it…when it came to choosing between me and her…you chose her." Her throat hurt from screaming, her eyes burned with unshed tears. None of that mattered. She yanks at her wedding ring. It was stuck. Damn it. She yanks again, succeeding in removing it this time. She flings it in his face. "Why don't you give those to your blonde whore! They don't have any meaning left for me!" The rings make a clattering noise as they hit the tile. Through a fine sheen of tears she watches him bend to retrieve them. She knew she was acting childish, that she was putting on a show, right now she didn't care. What was there left to care about?

"If I had wanted Izzie to have a ring I would have given her one." The wrong words to say. Did he really think he was making anything better by saying that? His palm was outstretched, her wedding rings in them.

"I don't want them," Callie said, bitterness dripping off every word. The meaning she had thought the rings had was gone. Destroyed the moment Izzie had spread her legs and George had settled between them. "If they're not good enough for your stupid whore then throw them away. I don't care." Except she did care. Even as she said the words, she wanted to snatch her rings back, to beg him to chose her. She wouldn't' though. She had more pride than that. "You and me…we're done. Good luck with Izzie. Maybe, if you're lucky, she'll take a break from letting Mark fuck her to let you have a chance at that golden pussy again." Shock registered on his face. Short lived triumph coursed through her. "Oh, haven't you heard, your precious Izzie has been riding Dr. Sloan like a little kid rides a pony. Having been with both of you myself, I can honestly say, she isn't going to choose you over him." Lifting her head, Callie walks off. None of the horrid words that had left her mouth made her feel better. There was nothing left to make her feel better. Leaning over a potted plant, she heaves again, sobbing harder.


	5. That Kind Of Girl

-1

What sort of woman used a job to define who she was? That was a question that had been running through Addison's mind since Richard had told her the Chief of Surgery position wasn't her's and that if she needed a job to feel like she had a purpose then something was wrong. He was right. Something was wrong. She just hadn't wanted to see it until now.

Propping both elbows on the edge of her desk, Addison drops her head into her wide splayed fingers. Her long shiny red hair felt like silk against her forearms as it fell forward, a curtain that blocked out the rest of the world. God, if only that was true. If only she could pull some curtain closed around her.

"Ugh," she raises her head, shaking it. What was left for her here? Nothing. There was nothing left. Just some job that no longer made her happy, and didn't she deserve to be happy? She did. Despite everything she had done, despite the pain and misery she had brought with her to Seattle, she deserved to find happiness. Not here there. There was nothing left for her here.

With the closest thing she could come to resolve, Addison dialed Naomi's number. "Naomi, it's Addie. You still have that office with a view available?"


	6. Who I Am

-1

Dirty, lonely, whore. That was her. Izzie tucks her lips inside her mouth. Anything to keep from sighing, screaming, crying. Silence was best. Silence was something she should have learned a long time ago. Between her hands, she rolls the full bottle of beer.

"You're suppose to drink it."

Turning her head, she finds Alex standing behind her, hands in the back pockets of his dark washed jeans. She tries to force a smile, only to grimace. Shrugging, Izzie reverts her attention back to the beer in front of her. The untouched beer. Letting out the sigh she had been trying to repress. "Here. You take it." She slides the beer to the left, where Alex had seated himself. Almost immediately he lifts the open bottle, taking several long gulps. "She called me whore. Callie. I've never been called that before. Except once. In high school. There was this one group of girls. I'm sure you know which group I mean, every school has one. They hated me. I don't know why, they were just as pretty, had more money, made better grades." Another sigh slumps her shoulders. Inside her chest, her heart pounded. "They use to leave these tacky little post it notes on my locker that said trailer trash or waitress barbie. Yeah. I know. So original. Then, my junior year, they started posting the one's that said whore. See, my school was small. Not a lot of forgiveness if you messed up. And I messed up. I messed up in a big way. I got pregnant and had the audacity to still go to school. I blocked it out. Told myself that I knew the truth. I knew that I had only been with one person. I knew that I wasn't all those things they said I was. I did the same thing my senior year when the oh so original baby dumper notes came along. While going to school pregnant was bad, giving a baby up for adoption was unheard of. At least there. Today though, when Callie said it…I couldn't block it out. I couldn't rationalize why I wasn't one, because…really…I am. I am nothing more than a home wrecking whore." Nothing but silence. She had poured her heart out, told one of her darkest secrets and he said nothing. A stab of pain pierces her heart.

"You're not a whore. By definition, a whore is someone who performs a sexual act for the monetary gain." Alex glances over at her, a half-hearted smile on his face. The smile slips when she doesn't return it. "Sorry. Bad habit. Making stupid jokes when things get serious." The bottle lifts to his mouth again. When he lowers it, the amber colored glass hit's the bar with a thud. "I don't think you're a whore. Not for having a baby in high school, not for sleeping with George. It took guts to do what you did, Iz. To realize you couldn't be a parent when you were a kid yourself." A slight squeak cause them both to wince as Alex shifts the bar stool so he is facing Izzie. "Callie is hurt right now. She wants to lash out. You're an easy target because she doesn't have anything invested in you. It's easier to place all the blame on you, when in reality George has his fair share. I'm not going to lie…say I think what you did was okay, because I don't think it was… but I also don't think you should be blamed for something that took two people. You've never made it a secret that you don't like Callie, that you would do anything to break her and George up," Izzie's lip part, ready to defend. Alex continues, not letting her say a word. "I'm not saying that is why you did it. Just that you've never pretended be a shipper of the George and Callie romance. George, though, he made vows. He promised to love her, to cherish her, to be with only her. He legally declared his love. First time things got tough, what did he do? He ran to the one person he knew would get under Callie's skin the worse. He knew he could come to you. That you wouldn't send home. He knew that you would agree with every bad thing he had to say about his wife. I don't know your reasoning behind sleeping George…but his? They had nothing to do with loving you, or wanting to be you and everything to do with hurting his wife."

A chill slithered down her back. She wanted to yell at him, to tell him that George loved her, that he would never use her like that. The words wouldn't form. Somewhere, in her mind, there was a part of her that had already drawn that conclusion. "So, basically, you think he used me?"

Alex hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. I do. Whether it was to hurt Callie or fulfill some fantasy of the underdog boinking the sexy blonde model, he used you."

Anger twisted Izzie's face. "George isn't like that!" Even as she said the words, she wasn't certain. George had come over that night intent on the two of them getting drunk. George was the one to bring up the possibility of them as more than friends. George was the one to kiss her. George was the one to suggest they go upstairs. Her eyes start to burn. The burning had nothing to do with the thick cloud of cigarette smoke either.

"Iz…I'm sorry. I'm bad about just saying…whatever. Talking without thinking." Alex muttered a few unintelligible curses before sliding off the stool. "Maybe this friend thing isn't such a good idea."

Izzie stares at him in horror. No. He couldn't withdraw his friendship. She needed him to at least be her friend. She needed him in her life. She stumbles off the stool, grabbing his arm. "No. Don't say that. We can be friends. Friends are suppose to be honest with each other. You were being honest. I don't agree, though. I don't think George would do that. I don't think he would, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends! Please, Alex. Don't stop being my friend. Friends don't always have to agree." She sounded so pathetic, begging him to be her friend.

"You really think we can do this? That we can be friends?" She nods. They could. They could be friends. "Okay. If we're going to do this…you have to listen to my problems to."

"Yeah. Sure. Hit me with whatever problems you might have!" The smile she offers this time is real. Hooking her arm through his, she guides him toward the bar door. No point in sitting around here where they had to shout over the crowd to be heard.

"Rebecca's back." Short, clipped, no emotion. She was also very well aware that Rebecca was back. She had witnessed the reunion by the nurses station. If her stomach had knotted up she hadn't noticed, or was willing to admit that she had noticed. "We're going to try…being a couple." Again there was no emotion. No sign that he was excited to be entering this relationship.

"That's good. Right? I mean, you love her, so…" Izzie let's the rest trail off, chewing her lip.

"Yeah. It's a good thing." His tone made it sound anything but. It was all Izzie could do not to just grab him by the shoulders and shake him. To tell him that he was making a mistake. She wanted to tell him that Rebecca wasn't the right woman for him, that she wasn't good enough. She wouldn't though. She had learned her lesson, and learned it well, that friends kept their mouth's shut. They walk in silence to Alex's car. The drive home is almost as silent, only Alex asking her if she wanted to start jogging with him breaking up the silence. She said yes, not really knowing why. She hated jogging. It was hot, sweaty, and painful. She would do it though. She would start jogging with him, she would be happy that he had found a woman to love who loved him back, she would try to get past the turmoil of emotions where George was concerned, and she would stop letting her mistakes rule her. It was with those convictions that she told Alex good night, that she would see him in the morning, and pressed a kiss to his cheek.


	7. Home

-1

Nothing had changed, yet everything was different. She was different. Two weeks on a beach with nothing else to do but think had a way of doing that to a person. Meredith returned from her de-stressing post non-honeymoon because there was no wedding trip with a golden tan and a sense of clarity on how she wanted to handle her maybe nonexistent relationship with Derek.

The house was quiet at first when she entered, then she heard the laughter from the kitchen. The burst of laughter was followed by a silence. Raising both of her eyebrows, Meredith pushed the swinging kitchen door open with her foot. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't this. Dressed in sweaty jogging clothes, her two roommates stood on opposite sides of the kitchen island staring. It was the look that kept her from making herself known. She knew that look, the one that held such a profound longing and sadness it was enough to break a heart. She knew that look all to well.

"Hey," she says softly. Izzie broke eye contact first, blinking when her gaze focused on Meredith. "I come bearing gifts and.." she does a small circle hands held up, " a tan! Yes, that's right, my scary white skin is no more!"

"Mere! You should have called. We would have met you at the airport." Izzie circled the tiled island, embracing Meredith in a brief hug. She looked down at her sweat soaked t shirt and grimaced. "Sorry. Went running this morning."

"I didn't know you jogged." Meredith scooted onto one of the stools, plucking a still damp grape from a bowl in the middle of the counter. She tilted her head back, hair falling from her face, and dropped the semi-sour, semi-sweet green globe into her mouth.

"Alex talked me into it while you were gone," Izzie shrugged, glancing back towards Alex then away just as quickly. "I'm going to go take a quick shower. Then I expect to hear all about your honeymoon with Cristina."

"It wasn't a honeymoon," Meredith called after her. Izzie had already disappeared through the swinging door, her footsteps echoing on the stairs. Meredith looks back toward Alex, one eyebrow arched. "So, what was that all about?"

"What?" Alex scoops a small handful of the grapes up, tossing them directly into his mouth. He refuses to look in Meredith's direction.

"You know what. That look. The one between you and Izzie. The one I walked in on. Are you two involved again?" Rolling a tiny, mushy bit of fruit between her thumb and forefinger Meredith kept her steady green gaze on Alex's face. He showed no emotion, not that she had expected him to.

"Not hardly. We're friends. Nothing more. Rebecca came back. We're making a go of it, you know? I really care about her, think she might be the one."

Meredith continues to stare. He was lying. Whatever he felt for Izzie it wasn't friendship, and Rebecca wasn't the one. "Hm. Okay. So, I guess this is where I say I'm happy for you. Which I am. If you're happy. You are happy, right Alex? Rebecca makes you happy?" She searches his face. Still nothing. He was to good at hiding.

"Yeah. I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be?" Another handful of grapes were tossed into his mouth. Only a few remained. Meredith hooked her finger onto the edge of the bowl, dragging it towards her. She picks each remaining grape up, popping them one at a time into her mouth. Her interest remained fixed on Alex. He still showed nothing as far as emotions went, but the lack of enthusiasm in his voice said so much more than a look ever could. "Will you stop staring at me like that?"

Meredith grins, still chewing the last grape. She swallows before laughing softly. "Why? Does it bother you?" She was partially teasing. "I got you a dorky hat. It's one those stupid straw one's. Thought you could wear it when you're really drunk. Or throw darts at it." That got a smile and a deep throated laugh from him. "I got Izzie one of those shell necklaces. I suck in the gift department." He chuckled again, shaking his head. "Listen, I need for you to do me a favor. I need you to put a note on Derek's car for me and I need for you and Izzie to stay gone until I call you."

"You know Grey it isn't like we haven't heard your headboard hitting the wall before," Alex teased. She sticks her tongue out at him. "Fine. Write the note while I'm showering and I'll stick it on his car. I've got plans with Rebecca tonight anyways. Going to the aquarium. I'll just invite Izzie along." He wiggles his brows before backing towards the doorway. "Sure you're going to call? Sure we don't need to rent a hotel room?"

"If you and Izzie rent a hotel room it won't be because of Derek and we. We need to talk, and I can't do that with you guys here. To many things to use as an excuse, know what I mean?" She slid off the stool, following him into the foyer. "I kinda told him we were over. And we're not. So, I have to fix it. Tell him how much I love him. Life's short Alex. We have to tell the people we love that we love them before it's late." He stares at her, an odd look on his face before muttering something about needing to take shower. She didn't bother to remind him that Izzie was in the shower, he looked to deep in thought to hear her. She would be willing to bet everything she owned that her words were what he was thinking about, and that Rebecca wasn't anywhere near those thoughts.


	8. Wicked Games

-1

The almost icy water of the shower had done nothing to calm the pounding of her heart or the hot ache between her legs. Shivering slightly, Izzie makes a quick dash from the bathroom to the comfort of her bedroom. She rubs her bare arms, trying to rid at least one portion of her body of the bone deep chill that had settled in. Teeth chattering she tosses the towel aside, not caring that it landed on the edge of her bed, leaving a damp spot. She tugs a pair of pristine white boy shorts on, then adds the matching bra. Still shivering she grabs the chenille throw that lay across the foot of bed, wrapping it around her body.

She can hear the sound of Meredith and Alex's voices drifting up as she drops onto the edge of her bed. Catching up on the last two weeks no doubt. Leaning back, she closes her eyes. The last two weeks had been a mixture of misery combined with sweetness.

The misery had come in the form of Mark Sloan. She had thought she could handle whatever it was he was wanting. She had thought wrong. It was a hard lesson to learn, especially since she learned it flat on her back in an on call room bawling her eyes out. The tears had put a chink in Sloan's ego no doubt. He would recover, no doubt, move onto the next intern or resident.

Alex had been the sweetness. No matter how ugly her truth's were he still persisted in being her friend. Holding her when she cried, making her laugh when she was down; he was he rock. In many ways he always had been. The night Denny died, the day she had stood outside the hospital, the night of the disaster with George when he had told her that she would move on when she was ready and everyone else be damned.

Izzie jumps slightly when she hears heavy foot steps in the hallway. Alex going to shower no doubt. A quick glance at her alarm clock tells her there is only an hour before they need to leave for the hospital. Standing up, she let's the dark red throw fall from her body and walks over to the closet. Since she was still shivering, and it had been rather cool when Alex and she went jogging, she scrambles into a white long sleeved t shirt that was a bit snug across her chest, along with a pair of jeans that had ripped out knees and a few spots so worn her skin could be seen through them. A pair of black and white checked deck shoes and her black hoodie completed the look, whatever the look was.

She nudges the bedroom door open with her foot, all the while twisting her hair into a mass on the back of her head. She was just securing the ball of hair when Alex emerges from the bathroom. His hair was still damp from the recent shower, but he had donned a pair of faded jeans and a dark green t shirt. Her arms fall to her sides as he draws closer. He smelled of her shampoo and his aftershave.

"So, it's good to have Meredith back," she says in a voice she barely recognizes. Her body seemed unable to be still, so she rocked from heel to toe, her hands clasped behind her back.

"Yeah. She got everyone gifts." Alex clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. His gaze searches her's, as though looking for something. "Iz…"

"Yeah?" Mentally she kicks herself for the breathless sound of her voice. He wasn't about to make any heart felt declarations, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to. There was no foundation for the wistfulness in her voice.

"Meredith needs the house tonight." Again he stares at her intently, an odd look on his face. "She said she would call when it was okay to come to home. Something to do with having a talk with Shepherd."

Izzie nods. "Okay. I'm sure I can find something to do. If nothing else I'm sure Walter could use a break from the babies." Or she could volunteer to work an extra shift. A wave of loneliness creeps over her. Alex would be out with Rebecca no doubt, making her smile, making her laugh. She had no justification for the anger she felt towards the other woman, except perhaps Rebecca was lucky enough to have two men love her and a precious baby girl to call her mother. Not that the woman thought much of the other man or the baby. No, she had left them behind in whatever town she had came from.

"Actually, I was thinking maybe you might want to go the aquarium. I'm taking Rebecca and…" He frowns when she starts shaking her head. "Why?"

"I'm not going to play third wheel on your date," Izzie crosses her arms over her chest, stilling the rocking motion her body had been doing up to that point.

"You're not going to be a third wheel. I promise. It's not a date. Not really. She wanted to see the aquarium and I said I would take her. Nothing more than that. So, there's no reason for you not to come. Unless," he hesitates for a minute, "unless you don't like Rebecca." Something must have crossed over her face because he frowns. "You don't like her, do you?" She shakes her head slightly, again kicking herself, this time for admitting to something that could ruin a friendship she had come to cherish. "Why?"

"I don't know. It's just…It's kind of hard for me to respect her. I realize that she's been through a lot and right now she might not really have a clue what it is she wants…but…that doesn't change the fact that she has a husband who loves her and a baby. Both of which she left…willing left…so she could chase after some guy she barely knows." The moment the words left her mouth she wished she could take them back. She swallows the lump in her throat, watching Alex's face closely. It had darkened, as had his eyes. "Alex, I'm sorry…I shouldn't…"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you manipulate things to get a heart for a man you barely knew?" The bitterness in his voice, along with the words he had spoken have her taking a step back. Her arms flail out as she loses her footing. In backing away from him she had placed herself at the top of the stairs. "Izzie!" A pair of strong hands grab her before she tumbles backwards. Dark brown eyes collide with light brown ones. Their gaze holds for what seems to be an eternity, both their lips parting as though they wanted to say something. No words came out though. Neither of them was ready to say what they were thinking, what they were feeling.


	9. Chapter 9

-1**Apologize (One Republic)**

There was nothing special about the thin piece of plastic. It was roughly the size of a popsicle stick; white with a touch of purple in the form of writing and a cap. What made the bit of plastic so important were the two little, blue lines. One was a given. There was always at least one blue line. It was that second line, the one in the results window that had the ability to make or break a person's life.

A month ago Callie would have been ecstatic to see that second line. That was before though. Before she figured out what a bitch Izzie really was and how far she would go. Before she confronted George on sleeping with his slutty blonde friend. Before George admitted it.

"Callie?"

She sets the test on the back of the toilet, then gives the closed door a hard look. "Go away George." He wouldn't though. He refused. If there was one thing about George O'Malley she could count on, it was his stubborn nature. Despite everything he had done, despite the pain he had knowingly caused her, he still maintained that he loved her. Right, because sleeping with his whore best friend was showing his love.

"Are you okay? Cause you…you know…were puking…and I'm kinda worried." His voice drifted through the small crack between the door and the door frame. No doubt he had his face pressed against the wood. "Callie?"

"I'm fine." Callie bit the response out. Her last thread of strength was starting to fray. She wouldn't cry though. Calliope Torres did not cry. She was strong. Nothing got to her. Except, apparently, this. She blinks rapidly as tears start to fill her eyes. She lays one hand on her lower abdomen. "I'm sorry baby," she whispered. "I am so sorry."

"Callie? You sure you're okay? You don't sound okay. I know you're mad at me right now but if you're sick you need me to help you."

Fuck. Could he not take the hint? She didn't need, or want, him to help. He had done enough. More than enough. Taking a deep breath, she rises from her perch on the edge of the large Jacuzzi tub. Grasping the gold plated door knob in a sweaty hand, she yanks it open. "You want to help? Turn back time, George. Turn back time and undo this mess you've made of our lives." She steps around him, pushing her curly dark hair off her face. She doesn't care if he sees that she has been crying. Nothing he said would make her feel better.

"If I could, I would. I would go back to that morning and I would tell you how beautiful I think you are. I would tell you that the only woman I am capable of loving is you because you own my heart." George followed after her. "I would tell you that the money doesn't matter." She gives him a look over his shoulder. "Okay. It does. Only because you didn't tell me about it. And, I would have stayed away from Izzie."

Callie snorts, sitting on the edge of the bed. Bending down, she works a black crocodile skin flat onto her foot. They weren't the most comfortable shoes, but they matched the black baby doll top she wore and she could honestly tell her mother that she had worn her latest gift. "You should have stayed away from her to begin with, George. But you didn't. When you had a choice to make…you chose Izzie." She stands up, walking towards the dresser. She wasn't big into the whole cosmetic thing, but today she needed the pick me up. Amazing what a thin swipe of red lipstick could do for a person when they were down. "Not only did you choose Izzie, you lied. By omission, you lied. The only reason you came clean about it is because I confronted you. Otherwise, you would kept your little tryst with Goldilocks a secret."

"I didn't want to hurt you!" George cried. He ran a hand through his hair. His dark locks stood in every direction. The pain on his face was real. Her pain was real too. And a bit more justified.

"If that was true, you wouldn't have slept with that stupid bitch." She tosses the tube of lipstick down, then grabs a tissue. The thin white paper is soon smudged with red. "You want to know something really fucked up? A month ago I thought our lives were perfect. That we would go onto live this wonderful life that people envied. We would be these amazing parents to these amazing kids." It all sounded so pathetic now. She should have known better than to think happy endings were real. "How stupid was I? While I was thinking about our future, you were off living the ultimate under wear model fantasy." Damn it. Stupid tears. They just wouldn't stay away. She supposed it was partially hormonal. "Damn it." She closed her eyes, shaking her head. What she wouldn't give for this to all be a nightmare. She just wanted the pain to go away. She just wanted to stop feeling like something was wrong with her.

"Callie," he says softly. She can feel the heat off his body as he steps up close to her. She feels his hand as it brushes her hair off her face. She opens her eyes, shoves him away. He didn't get to be Mr. Nice Guy. "I am sorry."

"Right. Tell that our son or daughter when they're old enough to ask why mommy and daddy aren't together." The bitter response had come out before she could stop it. "Crap. I wasn't going to tell you like that. I'm sorry."

George's face paled. "You're pregnant?" Callie looks away, nodding. "We're going to have a baby?"

Callie sighs. "Yeah. We're going to have a baby. Don't think this changes anything, though." She couldn't stay in this marriage. If she did, she was pathetic. Only a pathetic woman would cling to a man who clearly favored someone else.

"That's where you're wrong. It changes everything!"


	10. Chapter 10

-1**More Than A Memory (Garth Brooks)**

Thirty was too old to not know what it was he wanted out of life. Other men his age were married, had a kid or two. Granted most other men hadn't spent a good portion of the last decade in medical school. Nor had they grown up watching their father use their mother as a personal punching bag. He was getting past that though. He was learning that he wasn't like the old man, that he would never be like him, and it was okay to let love into his life.

"Dr. Karev? Was I right?"

Alex shakes his head, frowning a bit. He looks into the large blue eyes of one his interns. A kid named Dr. Megan Mahoney. A bit to eager, a bit to clingy. Always in need of encouragement. He tried to not let the kid bother him to much, but there were days, like today, when he just wanted to yell at her. "Go through it again," he barked.

The small intern jumped, her five foot nothing body trembling. "The patient has chronic headaches, frequent muscle weakness and cramps, as well as a constant prickling sensation. He also has a history of high blood pressure, with a few of his labs showing low potassium levels. Given his past labs there is reason to believe he may have primary aldosteronism."

Annoying but smart. "How do you plan on confirming this?"

"Oral salt loading followed by saline loading. After which we will need to do a fludrocortisone suppression test." It came out all in one breath. "Also, we need to have adrenal vein sampling done."

Alex nods, mumbles off some orders to carry the tests out then walks out of the room. Megan had been the last of his interns needing assigned. He would have to make the rounds. Check on the others. At some point today he would have to corner Izzie, find out if she was coming tonight. Something told him it was a dead in the water point. They had both said some things this morning they shouldn't have.

"Hey!"

He turns at the familiar voice. Rebecca hurried towards him, her eyes shining. There was a bit of a flush to her face, one that made him frown slightly. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Sure. Why wouldn't I be?" There was defensive note in her voice. Her arms crossed over her chest. The flush deepened, her nostrils flared a bit. "Sorry. My allergies might be acting up. Making my head feel stuffy and such. I didn't mean to snap." She smiles sweetly at him, grabbing his arm. "I thought I would surprise you for lunch!"

"It's a nice surprise." Alex grins, brushing a lock of brown hair from her forehead. From the corner of his eye spots Izzie talking heatedly with a nurse. There was a lot of finger stabbing at a chart. At one point Izzie's voice raised.

"Hello! Earth to Alex." Rebecca waved a hand in front of his eyes, clearly annoyed at his lack of focus. "Is there somewhere we can maybe…I don't know…be alone?"

Alone. They had never really been alone. Not in the physical sense anyways. It wasn't that she hadn't hinted, or that he hadn't been interested, he just figured if he wanted this relationship to work he had to take things slowly. Perhaps it was time though. Time to move forward. "Yeah. I know a place." He leads her toward one of the on call rooms. A quick glance inside revealed it to be empty.

The moment the door was shut and locked, she launched herself at him, nipping his neck. He grimaces. The one thing about Rebecca that annoyed him was the overly wet kisses that were borderline bites. "I can't have any marks," he reminded, cupping her face in his. He lowers his mouth, wincing when she giggles and sucks his lower lip. Just once he would like to get through a kiss without her doing that. Pulling his head away from her's he tries again. She kisses him back hard, her fingers digging into his shoulders. Closing his eyes, he slides his hands under her purple top, cupping her smallish breasts. He knows he shouldn't do it, yet he can't help but think about how much fuller Izzie's were, how much softer. He kisses her with a bit more aggression, breaking only to pull her shirt over head. She moans, pressing her body closer to his. He unbuttons her khaki skirt, shoving it past her hips. She back away from him, grinning as she lays back on the bunk. He stands there for a moment, an odd look crossing his face.

_Izzie giggles as he nuzzles her neck. Her fingers gently walk down his abdomen, tracing a line just over the band of his scrub pants. He groans as her long, slender fingers slide inside, running up and down the length of his cock. He grabs her wrist, yanking her hand from his pants. She smirks, pushing him back onto the lower bunk. _

"Alex?"

He blinks, rubbing the back of his neck. "I can't…" What the hell was his problem? The woman he loved, who loved him in return, was laying there, almost naked, and willing, and what did he do? He had flashbacks of his ex non girlfriend who was now his roommate. "I just…I can't."

"Is it me?" Rebecca sat up.

Yes, his mind screamed. His heart seemed to be in full accordance. He couldn't tell her that though. She had done nothing to deserve this. She had uprooted her whole life to come show him how committed she was to making him realize she loved him. Except how much of his heart was invested in loving her? Yesterday he would have said all of it. That was yesterday though, and this way today. "It's me," he said in all honesty. It was him. Mostly. And the part that was her, well, it was because she…she wasn't Izzie. He had thought he was past that. God, he had wanted to be past that. Apparrently he wasn't though. "I just…why did you come back?"

Rebecca frowns, reaching for her top. "I told you. I came back because I thought I owed it to myself…to both of us…to see whether or not we had a future together. I came back because I love you. And, I know you love me too."

"I care about you. A lot." Alex admitted. That much was true. He did care. He had saved her. He had helped her through a trying time, had kept her from dying on more than one occasion. He would have had to of been a cold bastard to not care. Was it love? No. Not the way she wanted it to be. Not the way he had thought it to be.

"You care. Just care?" She tugged the top over her head, standing up. She bends at the waist, reaching for her skirt.

"I…You have to understand…" He couldn't explain. She wouldn't get it. Or maybe she would. Still, he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't tell her that he was in love with someone else.

"Understand what?" The anger in her voice stunned him for a moment. "I left my husband and child for you!"

"I didn't ask you to leave." He says quietly. "Why did you leave your little girl? I can understand leaving him…but her…"

She scowls, yanking her skirt up. "I don't know. Maybe because she doesn't feel like my little girl. All my memories of being pregnant with her seem like someone else's. I didn't even want a baby. He did. He thought it would make everything okay. That a baby would be a grand adventure. Right. Grand adventure for who? Not me. And I'm the one who would stuck caring for the little parasite. Which is all a baby is. A parasite. They feed off of you. Taking everything until there is nothing left."

Alex stares at her, stunned. Very little of the sweet woman he had come to care for was left in the angry woman before him. "Rebecca, have you ever talked to anyone…you know…about your feelings towards the baby?"

"Are you kidding me? Oh my God! You're just like him! Just like him! I'm not crazy! I'm not!" Rebecca shrieked, the flush creeping back up her cheeks.

"I know you're not," Alex soothed. Oh God. Why hadn't he seen this before? He hadn't wanted to, that was why. "I just know that sometimes new mother's can get a little over whelmed. It helps to talk to someone sometimes about those feelings."

"I don't need to talk to anyone. The problem is taken care of. No more him. No more baby." Rebecca snapped. She blew a lock of hair out of her face. "And no, I didn't do anything to them. I just left. I walked out the door. Came here. Because I love you! And I thought you loved me!" There were tears running down her cheeks now. Whether they were from anger, frustration or she was just that hurt he couldn't tell. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I care about you. A lot. I just…I'm not in love with you." Alex smiled sadly. The tears were coming harder now. He felt at a loss as to what he should do. "I know this isn't what you want to hear…but I would like it if we could be friends."

"I don't want to be your friend!" She sobbed. "I don't understand. Nobody is going to love you more than I do! They can't!" Her hands grab a hold of his forearm. "Is there someone else? Are you attracted to someone else? Cause if you need to get them out of your system the way you did Addison I understand."

Gently, he pries her fingers loose from his arm. "Rebecca, don't do this. Don't make this any harder than it already is."

"This isn't hard for you!" She screamed. "I'm the one whose hurt here. Not you! I loved you. And you…you don't deserve my love! You don't deserve me. You don't deserve anyone!"

The door knob rattles a bit. "Alex? Is everything okay?" Izzie's muffled voice manages to break through Rebecca's screaming.

He placed his hand on the door knob, twisting the lock. "Don't!" Rebecca cried, wrapping her arms around her waist. He ignores her, unlocking the door. He pulls it open. Izzie stands there, frowning.

"What's going on?" Izzie asks in a whisper, touching his arm. The action was one of concern. There was nothing to it. Just a touch.

"Oh. I get it. It's her." Rebecca says bitterly. "She's the reason you're doing this to me." She lets out a small shriek, shoving him.

"Hey, I don't know what's going on here, but you had best get yourself under control," Izzie snaps. There was set to her jaw that gave off a warning to not push the issue further.

"Or what?" Rebecca taunted.

"Or I'm going to have to call security and have them haul your ass out of here!" Bailey's voice interjected. The shorter woman strides over, standing before them. Her arms cross. "This is a hospital. Not the Jerry Springer Show. I suggest that you deal with your domestic issues elsewhere." Rebecca's mouth opened, then snapped shut. She shoved through them all, running for the elevator. Bailey turned towards Alex, her lips pursed. "Why is it that none of you all can get it in your head's that dating a patient is a bad, bad idea. What is it going to take for you to get that?"

"I think I've got it," Alex mutters. Izzie glances over at him, questions in her dark eyes. Bailey shakes her head, snaps out another warning about doctors and patients before returning to her wide eyed group of interns.

"What happened in there?" Izzie asks. She maneuvers him back into the on call room. Her back presses against the door as she stares at him, waiting for an explanation.

"Short version, I broke up with her and she didn't like it." He tried to force a smile, it didn't come off the way he hoped. "You were right. That something wasn't right with a woman who would leave her baby. I brought the baby up…and she called her a parasite. A parasite. She acted…I don't know…not right."

Izzie sighs. "I'm sorry. I know you love her." Her gaze meets him. For a moment it felt like it had that morning. This connection running from him to her, and her to him. He trails his fingers down her cheek, across her lips. The kiss is soft, just his mouth brushing across her's. It was enough though. Enough to scare her.

"I have to go," Izzie stutters. He doesn't bother asking her to stay. He knew it would do him no good. He would have to just let her go. For now. He grins. He finally got it. Why it had taken him until he was thirty years old to figure himself out enough to fall in love. It was because he was waiting for Izzie.


	11. Chapter 11

-1**Wicked Games (Bassboosa)**

A cold drizzle of rain cools Izzie's flushed cheeks as she steps out the emergency room doors. Everyone else would be exiting through the main lobby or the east side. The last thing she wanted was to deal with well meaning soothsayers. She was exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. She had nothing left.

Closing her eyes, she tilts her head towards the heavens, letting the soft mist caress her skin. The child-like action brings a ghost of a smile to her face. If it wasn't for the internal tug of war twisting her insides into a million knots she might have stuck her tongue out to catch a few of the miniscule drops of water. How many times had she done this very thing when she was younger? Standing out in the rain, face lifted, tongue out to catch the drops. She wasn't a child though, and she didn't have enough innocence left inside to indulge in such impulses.

Izzie lets her chin drop down, wraps her arms around her waist and starts the long walk around the massive gray building that was Seattle Grace. She wasn't sure where she was going to go once she reached her car. She couldn't go home, Meredith had asked them not to. She wasn't sure she wanted to go to Joe's; most everyone went there. She wanted, no needed, to be alone. Alone with her thoughts and misery.

"Hey."

Her body stiffens a bit when she lifts her head to find Alex standing at the corner of the building. His black jacket hung open, revealing a dark red shirt underneath. "Hey," she mumbles back, her arms tightening themselves around her waist. Her stomach loops into a few more knots, bringing the acidic taste of bile to the back of her throat. "Any word from Meredith?"

"Yeah, actually, that's why I…" he hesitates. "I seen you go out the E.R doors. I knew you would have to walk around this way."

Izzie blinked in surprise. "Oh." She wasn't quite sure what else to say. What did one say when some one confessed to purposely setting things up to meet them. "What did Meredith say?"

Another look of hesitancy. "She doesn't want us coming home tonight. I have the keys and directions to Shepherd's tin can in the woods."

"Oh." She was really starting to sound dim sighted. Sighing, Izzie let's one arm fall to her side and the other lift up to brush her curling blonde hair off her face. "So I guess her and McDreamy are all McDreamy again?"

Alex shrugs. "Derek caught me about half an hour ago. Guess Meredith called him and they made up on the phone instead of her doing her whole rambley speech in person." He chuckles softly, his dimples flashing briefly. "So, I guess maybe they're all McDreamy again."

Nodding, Izzie wraps her arms around her waist once more. She licks her lips, then puckers them, thinking. "Are you okay?"

He looks at her in surprise. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

Exactly. Why wouldn't he be? "I don't know. I just thought…you know…the whole thing with Rebecca…" Izzie lets the rest drift off. Bring up Rebecca meant bringing up the kiss, something she wasn't quite sure she wanted to discuss. It had caught her off guard. She was trying not to read more into it, was trying to not let her somewhat impetuous emotions get the better of her. If they discussed it, if he showed one iota of that kiss meaning something, her resolve to be alone would crumble.

"Ah. Yeah." Alex shifted around, his hands shoving into the pockets of his jacket. A large drop of rain hits his face, rolls down his cheek. "Turns out I didn't know her as well I thought." His attempt to make the situation light hearted failed. "I'll be fine. I always am."

Fine. It was the golden word for when someone felt like shit but didn't want to go there. They both said they were fine. They both said it to the point it was second nature. Neither of them were fine. "Yeah. You want to try that on someone who doesn't know you so well?" She forces a tentative smile, cocking her head to the side.

"And you think you know me?" Alex quirked one brow up, rocking back on his heels. A trace of his old cocky grin teases across his lips. His lips, she stares at them, remembering the feel of them on her own, remember the taste of him. "Iz? You okay?"

Shaking her head, then nodding Izzie lifts her lips into a mock smile. "Yeah…I'm…"

"Fine?" he finishes for her. Blinking, she nods. She wasn't crying, she wasn't. It was just the rain. It was the rain, just like she was fine. Reaching up, she starts to wipe at the moisture on her face, instead her fingertips graze across his cheek. His light brown eyes widen a bit, then stare intently into her darker one's. It was much like the look they had shared that morning. Unlike that morning, neither were spouting ugly words of truth. Keeping her eyes connected with his, Izzie steps closer, closer still until the heat of their bodies melted together. Letting her eyes lids flutter closed, curving her palm to the contour of his cheek, she covers his mouth her own.


	12. Chapter 12

-1**Author's Note: This story hasn't been updated in quite some time. I apologize for that. I'm not sure how often I will be updating, but I do promise that this story hasn't been forgotten, it will be finished. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as much as you seemed to enjoy the first of it. **

**Starlight-Muse**

Life sucked. Two weeks of lying on a white sand beach, staring out into the aquamarine water of the Caribbean, contemplating why Burke had left her, and that was all Cristina had. Life sucked.

Craning her neck at almost a ninety degree angle, Cristina stared up at the glass and cement building that was Seattle Grace. An odd twisting sensation churned within her stomach. She licked her lips, hating the nauseated state she found herself in. It really was ridiculous, standing there with her head titled up like some terrified kid, dreading the looks and whispers she would encounter.

"Cristina?"

Her head snaps down, her dark gaze swinging to the left. A flush cheeked Izzie stood a foot or two away, her dark eyes shining with a care free twinkle Cristina hadn't seen in a while. "What?" The question came out more abrupt than it was meant to.

"Nothing. I just wasn't sure it was you. That's all." Izzie's shoulders lift in a nonchalant shrug. The lavender scarf that was wound around her neck slides loose, dangling along her right arm. A look of annoyance briefly passes over the taller woman's face as she tugs the scarf off, balling it into the large olive green tote she carried. "So, you're back?"

"Yeah. I'm back." If she ever worked up the nerve to enter. She wasn't quite sure why she was letting the idea of gossip get to her. Perhaps because it was such a personal wound they would all be discussing. A wound that hadn't quite healed.

"So, did you have a good time?" One hand, the same one that had balled up the scarf, had lifted to twist a wavy lock of blonde hair around the index finger. Izzie's dark gaze seemed to be looking for something as it scanned over Cristina's stoic face.

"I went on what should have been my honeymoon with Meredith because my fiancé jilted me at the alter." Cristina said flatly. She had spent most of her 'vacation' hidden in the bathroom crying or on the beach wondering what she had done to deserve such a humiliating experience. There was no way in hell she would admit either of those things to Izzie.

"Yeah. Sorry. I…I guess I just…I'm sorry." Izzie whispered, her cheeks turning a brilliant scarlet. "I didn't mean…I'm sorry."

"Not as sorry as I am," Cristina muttered. She couldn't figure out if she was upset because Burke had humiliated her or if she was broken hearted. Like life, the wondering sucked.

"Yeah. Um. I'm just going…" Izzie bit her lip, stepping back twice before hurrying towards the double glass doors that led into the main entrance.

Cristina stared after the other woman, knowing she should follow. She started to call after Izzie, to ask her to wait up, but she can't bring herself to do it. She tried to tell herself that it was Izzie, that she didn't want to walk in with Izzie, but she knew better. She didn't want to go in. Not yet.

"Yang." Alex nodded in her direction as he sauntered past. His step seemed a bit lighter than usual, his lips puckered as a soft whistle whispered over them.

"Karev," she responded, not bothering to look in his direction. Why would she? There was no reason. No friendship, no mutual understanding, no respect, nothing. It worked for them, having nothing.

She stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her black jeans. She rocked back on the heels of her scuffed military boots, chewing her lower lip. She was Cristina Yang. She shouldn't be standing, staring up at a hospital whose very name usually made her panties wet with excitement. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

"You say something?" Alex had paused at the entrance, turning to look back at her. His face, one she grudgingly had to admit was handsome, was crinkled into a frown that almost looked concerned. Almost.

"No." Cristina snapped, pleased with the ferocious tone she had managed. Alex shook his head, muttering something she couldn't hear under his breath, then yanked open the glass door.

"Hey, you waited on me!"

The cheery tone of Meredith's voice startled her. She yanked her hands out of her pockets and turned to face the person she had come to think of as a sister. There was a telling flush in the other woman's cheeks and a dreamy haze in her green eyes. Only one thing, or rather one person, could put that sort of look in her best friend's eyes. "You made up with McDreamy."

Meredith stared at her in surprise, then nodded. "How did you know?"

Cristina shrugged, glancing down at the pale gray cement beneath her feet. "You just have that look. That I shagged McDreamy all night look." Her eyes darted up, her mouth lifting in a half grin when she noticed the flush creeping up Meredith's neck. "So, things are good between the two of you?"

Honey blonde waves bounce around slender shoulders as Meredith nods. "Yeah. They're good. For now. You know me, I'll find some way to screw it up. Probably by the end of the day." She let out a nervous laugh.

"Why do you do that?" Cristina crossed her arms, frowning. Meredith's inability to realize that she wasn't always the one to blame when things went wrong was the one thing about her that Cristina hated. Meredith wasn't faultless, but she wasn't always to blame either. McDreamy wasn't always McDreamy, contrary to what the women of Seattle Grace thought.

"Do what?" Meredith shot her an odd look. "I usually do mess things up. I let my lack of trust and Daddy issues get in the way."

"That you speaking or him?" The question was muttered under her breath. She blinked when she realized they had walked towards the door. Her hand rested on the cold, steel handle. "Its not always you. Sometimes its them. They're selfish pigs who don't think about how other people are going to be affected by their actions. Oh, they can say it's our fault all they want, that we don't show enough emotion, but really its them. Them and their selfishness." She gripped the handle, then tugged the door open.

"We still talking about Derek?" Meredith hurried through the double doors after her.

"Derek. Burke. Karev. O'Malley. The guy who cleans bed pans. It doesn't really matter. If they have a penis their genetically disposed to be selfish." Her finger jabbed the up button on the elevator. "Men are good for nothing pricks."

"Well," Meredith's lips tilted up in a smug grin, "I can think of one thing they are good for."

"Oh please. A good vibrator and a pack of Energizers can take care of that itch." Cristina glowered as Olivia slid into the elevator car at the last minute..

"It's not the same," Meredith argued. She had leaned into the corner of the elevator, one leg crossed over the other, fingers tugging on the hem of her burgundy tunic. Her green eyes implored Olivia. "Tell her. No matter how good the vibrator is it just isn't the same."

"Uh," Olivia's throat worked up and down as her blue eyes darted from one resident to the other. "I would have to agree with Dr. Grey. There are just some things a…well you know…can't do that a guy can."

"There. You see. Majority rules." Meredith smiled demurely, moving from her corner as the elevator doors slid open. She waited as first year interns ran past with a crash cart, then stepped out into the noisy heaven, or hell depending on who was asked, that was the third floor. "Besides, you can't let Burke ruin you."

Cristina frowned. She wasn't letting Burke ruin her. Was she? Her frown deepened. She hadn't wanted to come into a job she loved because of his actions. She was talking about swearing off men, again because of his actions. Damn. Perhaps Meredith was right. She was letting Burke and his stupid male penis actions ruin her. She had the right to wallow in the ruin for a bit though. Her pride was dented, and her ego bruised. She wouldn't touch on the broken heart. "He left me at the alter Mere. He left me. I was willing to change my whole existence for him and he left. I get to act ruined for a bit."

"Nobody's saying you can't. Just…don't do it for too long, okay?" They paused outside the locker room door. "Think its going to be full of babies?"

"Oh you know it is." Cristina cheered a bit. Interns. She would have her very own interns to torture. Life didn't get much better than that.


	13. Chapter 13

-1**Realize (Colbie Caillat)**

The pungent aroma of rotted fruit assailed Izzie's nose as she twisted the lock off of her locker. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she opened her locker. It was all she could do to hold down the bran muffin and juice she had eaten for breakfast. Her eyes scan the contents of the small space that was her home away from home. Everything was neat and orderly. No foul smelling produce in her domain. She sniffed, leaning to the right, then groaned. "Oh God," she breathed, her mouth turning down in disgust. "Seriously." She sniffed again to be certain. Yes. It was coming from the locker to the right of her's. Alex's locker.

"Morning."

She spun around, blonde curls flying in every direction. She narrowed her chocolate brown eyes as the possessor of the rotted fruit, bananas from the smell of it, sauntered toward her. Her heart does a small flip flop when he grins. It was almost enough to make her forget the horrid smell that was plaguing her nostrils. "Your locker smells. It smells like rotten bananas."

The grin fell from Alex's face as he caught a whiff of the odor that seeped from the cracks in his locker. "I thought I threw those out."

"Clearly you didn't," Izzie wrinkled her nose once more, pinching the bridge between her thumb and forefinger. "Seriously, if you're not going to eat it then don't bring it."

"I didn't bring it. You did. Remember?" The smell grew stronger as he flung the locker door open. They both let out horrified groans. "What is that…"

Izzie leaned in closer, letting out a startled yelp when Alex pulled her into his arms. Her forehead bumped against his, their lips a fraction of an inch apart. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek. Her heart started to race. "Alex," she breathed, nudging her lips closer to his. Softly she brushed her mouth over his. When she would have engaged him in an actual kiss he stopped her. She pulled her head back far enough to frown at him.

"We should talk. About last night." Alex explained. He reached up, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. He trailed on finger down her cheek. The pounding of her heart increased. They had done nothing noteworthy last night. After the kiss they had gone their separate ways. Him to Derek's trailer, her to baby sit for Walter and Joe. "About the kiss. We need to talk about the kiss. About what it meant."

She let out a nervous laugh. "Which kiss?" When he frowned in confusion she explained. "The one in the on call room or the one outside?"

"Both. We should talk about both." He caressed her cheek again, sending a delicious shiver down her spine.

"They were just kisses, Alex," Izzie said softly. She wanted to believe that, that they were just kisses, meaningless kisses. They weren't though. From the moment her lips met his there was an intense need for more. The more is what scared her. It wasn't a physical more but an emotional one. And that scared the hell out of her. "They didn't mean anything."

"They weren't just kisses." Alex murmured, his finger tip lazily strumming along her jaw line. "They were…more." There it was. That something More. Even he felt it. "I think you know that. I also think that knowing that scares you."

Damn. Her pounding heart skidded to a halt. It was a bit frightening how well he knew her. "Do you blame me? Think about our past Alex. We don't have the best track record." The words hung between them, an invisible chasm between who they were and who they could be. "I don't know if I could do it again, Alex. I don't know if I could let myself get close to you and have it just…fall apart." She stepped away, hating the sense of loneliness that over came her. Was it a foreboding of what her life would be like without him in it?

"We're not those people anymore Iz. I'm not that guy out to score with the underwear model. And you're not that girl who wouldn't let go of some unrealistic ideal of the perfect man." Alex stared at her, his light brown eyes staring intently into her darker ones. "I'm not saying we have to jump into something big. We're not ready for that. We have to try though. That way, we don't wonder. I'm tired of wondering Izzie. I'm so tired of wondering what might have been. Aren't you?"

More than he would ever know. There had been nights, even during her relationships with George and Denny, that she had thought about how things might have been if Alex and she had worked out. "It won't work…" Izzie stopped, not sure what she was about to say. She looked away, letting her uncertain gaze fall on the mushy pile of banana on the shelf in Alex's locker. "We really should throw those out," she murmured. She made no move to dispose of the rotted fruit though.

"Go out with me."

Izzie jerked her head up, her eyes widening. "What?" The marathon her heart had been racing resumed in full force. "Are you asking me out?" Stupid. Of course he was asking her out. "Wait. Why? I thought we just agreed that we don't work."

"I don't remember agreeing to that. And I don't remember you saying that we couldn't work, just that we haven't in the past. This isn't the past Iz. This is now. And right now, I'm asking you on a date. It's not a difficult question. In fact, its really quite simple. Either you want to go on a date with me or you don't." He shot her the cocky dimpled grin that had earned him the nickname Evil Spawn.

Shaking her head, Izzie turned back to her locker, her fingers reaching for the hem of the soft yellow sweater she had worn. She tugged it over her head, folded it neatly, then placed it on the shelf. "If…and I'm not saying I'm going to…but if I were to say yes what would we be doing?" She ducks her head to hide her smile. She would say yes. Alex was right. This wasn't about the past, they couldn't let the past ruin right now.

"Hmm. I dunno. I was thinking a hotel ruin, some baby oil, and a game of naked twister."

"Alex!" Izzie frowned in his direction, crossing her arms over her chest when she noticed his lingering stare. "Seriously, you can't expect me to go with you know." One arm reached into the locker to retrieve the long sleeved pink t shirt she kept in there to wear beneath her scrub top.

"Way to ruin the view," Alex teased when she slid the shirt over her head and then covered it with a light blue scrub top. "And I was only kidding. Although, if you really have your heart set on naked twister I would be more than happy to participate." He laughed at the dirty look she shot him. "Dinner. Restaurant of your choice…just so long as it takes Master Card." It was her turn to laugh when he winked.

"Okay." She shimmied out of her jeans, replacing them immediately with a pair of loose fitting scrub pants. Dropping onto the bench behind her, she slid her feet into the shoes she always wore for work.

"Okay?" She nodded. "Seriously?" She nodded again, laughing when he bent to press his mouth against her's in a rather hasty kiss. She wound her arms around his neck, holding him in place while she fully covered his mouth with her's. It was like coming home, filling all the empty corners of her heart with warmth and comfort. For the first time, in a long while something in her life felt right.


	14. Chapter 14

-1**Tattoo (Jordin Sparks)**

The familiar tinkle of laughter teases George's ears as he enters the almost empty locker room. As though in a trance he follows the bell-like giggles around a row of lockers. He stops short, one hand gripping the edge of the of metal. His blue gaze drinks in the site of Izzie lifting her slender arms to gather her long, golden curls into a some what messy bun at the nape of her neck. Her full lips were up lifted in the first truly happy smile he had seen in a while.

"…Cheesecake Factory."

George's eyes swing to the immediate right of Izzie. A grinning Alex stood there, leaned against an open locker. Izzie's body moved closer to the other man's, her still smiling lips brushing across Alex's. Alex lifted one arm, the fingers of his hand curving to the soft, swell of her cheek. They were lost in their own world, not noticing others around them. It was in that moment George knew. Izzie was gone to him. Not that she had ever really been his. A drunken mistake that had cost him more than he had thought possible.

"Hey."

The irritated snap was enough to jerk his attention away from the giggling, whispering pair a few feet away. The cool dark gaze of Cristina greeted him. "Uh…hi?"

"You're blocking my locker." Cristina crossed her arms, her frosty glare paralyzing him momentarily. "That means move. Now."

His feet stumbled over one another as he hastily moved out of the way. Embarrassment stained his cheeks when he noticed he had become the center of everyone's attention. Clearing his throat, he took a step back. His body connected with the soft curves of a dark haired fresh faced intern. "Sorry," he whispered, the flush in his cheeks burning brighter. Fire licked his cheeks when his gaze shifted from the girl he had stumbled against to the locker row where Izzie stood. Her dark eyes were upon him, watching with an expression he couldn't read. "I'm just going to…" He clamped his mouth shut, lifting his chin a bit as he made his way to the door. Behind him a few people snicker. He tried not to let the giggles and whispers bother him, he was use to people mocking him, he cannot help the twisting in his stomach or the hurt.

"George!"

The sound of his name being called doesn't detour his exit. Nor does the sound of someone following him. They would all be following soon. The person behind him was nothing personal. "George!" A hand curves over his shoulder, firm pressure turning him towards the person who had followed him from the locker room. Izzie. "I think we should talk."

George blinked, a film of uncertainty fogging his eyes. There had been a time when he would have welcomed a talk with Izzie. That time had passed. To much had occurred between the two of them for him to go blindly into a talk with her. "Is there anything left for us to talk about?"

Izzie glanced away, her head tilted down ward. "There's always something left to talk about George. And I think we left a lot unsaid, don't you?" She raised her chin, her dark eyes meeting his light blue ones. She was right, he knew she was right, it didn't solve anything though. They still had the drunken sex and the 'I love you' between them, no amount of talking would erase those.

"Sometimes it's best to leave things unsaid." George crinkled his brow, clenching and unclenching his fists. This conversation fell into the best left unsaid category, of that he was certain.

"True," Izzie agreed. "This isn't one of those times though. There are things we need to say George. Things that…they just need to be said." She stepped to the side as a rush of new interns exit the locker room, including the one he had stumbled into. "That night…it was a mistake. We both know that. And I do love you. I meant it, when I said I love you, and I mean it now. I'm just not sure what kind of love it is. And I don't want to know. I don't think you do either. If you do…and I don't think that you do…it would be a mistake. Our timing…it isn't right. I don't think it will ever be right. Not for us. Not like that. Maybe if things had happened differently…" She paused, glancing towards the locker room door, which had opened again. Alex stood there, watching them, an odd look on his face. A sweet smile softened her mouth. She lifted one hand, waving. Alex grinned, waving back, then sauntering off to the nurses station. The sweet smile disappeared when she looked back towards George. "Or maybe they wouldn't have been. We're not meant to be. At least not…that way."

"I couldn't agree more." George was a bit surprised by the clarity, the certainty, in his voice. It wasn't that he had had any doubt about what she was saying or that he hadn't thought of those very things beforehand, he had, he just wasn't use to sounding so assertive.

"You couldn't agree more?" Izzie echoed. Shock registered on her face, then gave way to relief. "Well…that's great. I'm glad. Really. So…you and Callie…" She stopped when she noticed the pained look on his face. "There's no hope?" He shook his head, shrugged. "Oh. Well…maybe that's for the best. I mean…if you had really loved…"

He held up his hands, digging his fingers into his curly dark hair. They were back to this? "Izzie, please don't. She loved me. She loved me for me. She didn't expect me to change. She didn't try and control me. She just loved me for me. I loved her to. I loved her more than I could possibly explain to you. I was mad and hurt that night. I let her insecurities build up in my head. I let myself think they could be true. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've always been the loser, the guy chosen last, and never chosen by someone like…well like you." His fingers slid from his hair, dragging down his face. From the corner of his eye he can see Cristina gathering the rest of his group of interns. He would catch up. Cristina, of all people, would understand the need for closure. "It doesn't really matter why it happened. Just that it shouldn't have."

Izzie nodded slowly. "You're right. Bottom line is it shouldn't have happened. And I'm sorry for what I said…about Callie. It was out of line. I shouldn't have said it. Do you…do you think she will ever…forgive you?"

He looked towards the nurses station. Cristina wasn't alone anymore with her little group. Callie had joined them. She hadn't noticed him and Izzie, or if she had she wasn't acknowledging it. "I don't know. I think she might. Maybe. I don't know." They would have to come to some sort of understanding. At least for the baby's sake. The baby. He hadn't really thought about the little person growing inside her. Thinking about the baby they had created reminded him of the life they could have had but he messed up. "She's pregnant," he heard himself say. Izzie's eyes widen, her lips parted slightly. "I don't know what to do."

The shock on her face faded, replaced by a stern mask. "You grow up George. You grow up and you stop letting everyone else make decisions for you. Life isn't about you anymore. It's about that baby! Your wants and needs are no longer important. Every choice you make has to be about what is best for them." The vehemence in her voice stunned him. It was almost as though she was speaking from personal experience, which just wasn't possible. If Izzie had a child he would know. "Which means you need to stop dwelling on what we did. It's done. Over. We both agree…it was a mistake that we both regret. This is where we move on. You with the baby, maybe Callie…"

"And you with Alex?" He interrupted. He knew that he shouldn't have brought the other man up, he couldn't help asking though. He still cared enough about Izzie to worry over her happiness, over her heart getting broken yet again.

The sweet smile lifted her mouth again, her dark eyes drifting to where Alex stood speaking with not only his group of interns but her's as well. "Maybe. I don't know yet. We're taking it…slow. I…I think he might be it George. The one. A bit ironic, you know, considering how much I hated him at first…how much we hurt each other…or maybe it isn't. Maybe those things happened so we could reach this point."

"Maybe," George murmured. He watched as she walked away, her long blonde pony tail bouncing. He looked in Callie's direction again, found her staring. He squared his shoulders and headed towards her. He laid a hand on her arm. "We need to talk."


	15. Chapter 15

-1**Author's Note: I don't follow Shonda's timeline very well. I find that I become confused if I do so. Please keep that in mind while you are reading this update. I am borrowing some of her concepts and mingling them with my own. **

**Why Can't I (Liz Phair)**

A rough and tumble crowd greeted Derek as he shoved open the green and glass door of The Emerald City Bar. Friday Night Football. He should have known better than to think he could come here to escape from it all. He debated on turning around and heading home. Except home wasn't sacred anymore. Webber was there. Webber with his modern travel trailer and constant knocking on the door in need of something.

"Shep."

He raised his chin in greeting. He had no clue who the man was that had called out his name. Someone from the hospital no doubt. Few people called him Shep, and those that did only did so because they had heard some one else do it, usually Mark. "Good evening." He felt obligated to attempt a bit of small talk. It wouldn't do for staff members to think ill of him. Most did anyway, after the whole Addison and Meredith debacle his first year had been.

"Real pity 'bout that girl this afternoon. Thought for sure we had her."

Of course. Now the other man's face clicked. Scrub nurse Rob. The younger man had been in on the Ashley Renfro surgery. "So did I." Things had seemed to be going well, had been going well, until the last few seconds. In those seconds anything that could go wrong did.

"Real shame. Her being so young and all."

Derek nodded. He didn't want to discuss the death of a beautiful nine year old girl as though he was discussing the weather. Medicine had hardened a lot of things in his life, but not his sense of propriety. "Yes. It was a real shame. Even bigger shame that she's the topic of discussion in a bar." Not bothering to look back, he made his way to the bar. "Double scotch. And plan on keeping them coming." He slid his body onto the nearest stool, paying little attention to the occupants on either side.

"You and your double scotch." Tensing Derek turned his head slightly to the left. Familiar dark eyes stare at him from beneath a fringe of long lashes that curled up slightly. Full, red lips were tilted up at the corners in a slight smile. "Cat got your tongue?"

He couldn't help grinning. It was such a stupid saying. Cat's did not take people's tongues. Not any cats he knew at any rate. "Bit out of it is all."

"Aw. Well that's not good." She scooted closer to him, her jasmine scented perfume wrapping around him, much the way it had that night two weeks ago…

"_Is this seat taken?"_

_  
Derek looked up from the tumbler of double scotch Joe had just set before him. A dark haired woman stood before him, one hand placed on the stool to his right. Her pale pink scrubs marked her as a nurse, the logo on her left breast declared that she worked at the same hospital as him. "No," he replied. _

"_Good." She slid her slender body onto the stool. The scent of jasmine filled his nostril's. She held her hand out. "I'm Rose." _

"_Dr. Shepherd…Derek." _

_She smiled. "Yeah. I know. I was in your hemispherectomy yesterday."_

"_Oh. Right." He felt horrible. He should pay better attention to the nurses scrubbing in on his surgeries. He would pay better attention from now on. _

"_You don't remember me. Which is fine. I didn't expect you to. I'm one of the rotating nurses. I don't stay in one OR for long." Rose leaned her forearms on the bar. "Hey Joe. Can I get a strawberry win cooler in one of those martini glasses?" _

"_Little umbrella?" Joe teased. Rose nodded, smiling. She smiled even brighter when Joe placed the drink in front of her. _

"_Why thank you kind sir." She plucked a skinny red straw from on the other side of the bar. It was better suited to stirring coffee, but she stuck it in the drink, wrapping her too full lips around it. "Mm." _

"_You are an odd one Rosie girl," Joe shook his head then looked at Derek. "You're looking a little long in the face Shep." _

_He shrugged. "What can I say, it's been a rough day." He curled his hands around the glass of scotch, lifted it to his lips, took a long drink. "Cristina didn't get married. And Meredith told me, in front of a church full of people, that it was over. So over if you want to get technical." He didn't like how bitter he sounded._

"_Oh," was all Joe managed before a customer waved him over. _

"_Sounds like a bad day." Derek nodded. Rose leaned closer. "Know what you need?" He shook his head. "A rebound. Rebounds always perk a person up. They're great for boosting one's self esteem. Want to know something else? I'm a great rebound girl."_

"Earth to Derek. You look a bit spacey there." Rose waved her hand in front of her face. They had gone back to her place that night. He couldn't say the sex was the best he had ever had, but it wasn't the worse either.

"Hmm. Bad day." He grunted a thank you when Joe handed him the scotch, along with a sour look. He had placed the bar tender in a bad position. The other man was not only friends with him, but Meredith as well. Meredith. His stomach soured. Last night had been amazing. Hands down the most beautiful night of his life. She had met him with nothing but a smile on, whispered words of forever and how much she loved him. He had repeated the words, not quite certain he meant them anymore.

"Aw. Do I need to kiss it all better?" Rose giggled, leaning towards him, her lips puckered as though she had swallowed a lemon whole. He couldn't help but laugh. She had that effect on him.

"You might," he heard himself reply. He should stop encouraging her. Their one night had been a mistake, one he couldn't bring himself to talk about. It wasn't out of fear of losing Meredith, which he knew would happen, but because he didn't feel anything. No guilt, no remorse, nothing. He should feel something. Yet he didn't.

"You know I would be more than happy to," Rose murmured, leaning closer still. Her lips lingered an inch from his before covering his mouth with her's. She tasted of cherry Jolly Ranchers and pine apple juice.

The kiss would have lasted longer if the person on his other side hadn't spilled their drink. Derek turned his head, ready to suggest coordination classes to the idiot. He had the air knocked out of his chest instead. A wide eyed, gap mouthed George O'Malley stared at him in disbelief.


	16. Chapter 16

-1**Do You Know Where Your Man Is? (Tony Braxton)**

Twilight shimmered through the cracked blinds of the windows that lined one side of the old tunnel that connected the older portion of Seattle Grace with the newer. On a forgotten gurney, Meredith sat, legs crossed Indian style, reading over a chart, her pen light shining on each line as her eyes scanned the patient's symptoms. It was a simple case of appendicitis, it didn't really warrant the attention she was giving it. She had nothing better to do though. Being on call when the hospital was slow didn't leave an intern with many other options.

"Meredith?"

She looked up, her long pony tail falling over her shoulder. She flipped it back, frowning slightly. "George?" He nodded, moving closer to where she sat. "I thought you left."

"I did." George looked down, his fingers twisting together. "I came back though. I…I had to talk to you."

"Oh. Okay. Sure." Meredith laid the chart aside, patting the empty space next to her with a smile on her face. "You okay? Things still not so good with Callie? Or is it Izzie? I suck at keeping track of everyone else's relationships."

"Izzie's with Alex. I think. And Callie…Look, this is about Dr. Shepherd." George shifted from one foot to the other, not moving from the spot where he stood. "I seen him. Tonight at Joe's. Talking to a nurse."

Meredith laughed. "He's a doctor. He's going to talk to nurses, George."

He shook his head. "No. It was the way they were talking. Like they knew each other." She stared at him, her confusion apparent even in the dim light. "You know…like they knew each other."

"I'm sorry…I…what exactly do you mean?" Meredith crossed her arms. George wasn't the most eloquent of speakers, but usually she could at least follow what he was saying. Tonight he made no sense, because it sounded almost like he was saying Derek had cheated on her, which was ridiculous.

"They kissed, Meredith!" George blurted out.

Meredith shook her head, frowning. "He wouldn't…"

"I know what I saw Meredith! He kissed this scrub nurse…I think her name is Rose…and…the way they were talking…I'm telling you they have done more than kiss." George insisted.

"No." Meredith continued shaking her head. Derek wouldn't cheat. He wasn't the sort to cheat. She stopped shaking her head, recalling how they had met. He had cheated before. With her. "He kissed her? Right there? In front of everyone?" George nodded grimly. It was like her panties being left in his jacket pocket for Addison to find. "Thanks for telling me," she said softly. She bent her head back down, reaching for the chart. She doesn't look up when George asks if she is okay, or when he says he is leaving. She just sits there, anger and humiliation coursing through her veins.


	17. Chapter 17

-1

**Crush, Crush, Crush (Paramore)**

_McDreamy. More like McBastard._

Fueled by anger induced adrenaline Meredith hurried down the semi-crowded west hall. Lifting one slender arm she smacks her palm against the silver circle button that would open the double doors that blocked her entrance to the wing were O.R. 5 was located. She didn't wait for the doors to fully open, she slipped through when the opening was just large enough to accommodate her tiny form.

_Trust him? Trust him! Not in this lifetime. Not anymore._

Her shoes squeaked on the pristine white tiled floor as she sharply rounded a corner. She had trusted him, trusted him as much as she was capable. How had the bastard repaid her? He had kissed some nobody nurse named after a stupid flower. If that wasn't bad enough, he had done it in front of people he knew, on some level, would tell her.

_Sneaky, sneaky bastard. _

Meredith came to an abrupt stop outside O.R.5, heart pounding. She hadn't thought him so capable of dubious behavior. He was McDreamy. Her Knight In Shining Whatever. He wasn't suppose to be underhanded. He wasn't suppose to kiss scrub nurses.. And he wasn't suppose to go around having sex with them.

Taking a deep breath, she laid a trembling hand on the cool metal door that would lead her into the scrub room. She let the breath out in a loud gush, then shoved the door open. Two scrub nurses turn from washing their hands to give her a startled look. Their looks weren't nearly as startled as that of Dr. Mark Sloan.

"Dr. Grey…Meredith…" Mark said slowly, a slight frown marring his handsome face. The frown deepened for a second before he turned his attention back to rinsing the soap from his hands. "You can go now," he said to the lingering nurses.

She waited for the wide eyed nurses to leave before saying what she needed to say. "Derek and I are over. Finished. We are…no more." A loud sigh came from the tall man standing before her. He turned to face her, the look of pity on his face more than she can stand. It was also a telling look. He had known. Mark had known. "You knew," Meredith accused. Mark nodded. Was there anybody she could trust? She felt a layer of the old wall rebuilding itself. "You knew he kissed some flower nurse? That he had sex with her?"

"Flower nurse?" Mark cocked one dark blonde eye brow.

"Her name…its after some flower…" Meredith stopped, her face falling into a confused scowl. "She doesn't matter. What matters is that he slept with her. He cheated on me, and you knew. You should have told me!"

"It wasn't for me to tell, Mere. You needed to hear it from him." Mark said, leaning his lower back against a nearby linen shelf.

"Only he didn't. I had to hear it from George. George! Do you know what that was like? I was going over some stupid chart and then George shows up, starts talking about Derek and some nursing knowing each other. As in they knew each other. Oh, and they were kissing right there in the middle of Joe's bar. And you knew…you knew and you didn't say anything." She spat the words out around the lump that was forming in her throat. She wouldn't cry though. Meredith Grey didn't cry. Not over double crossing bastards like Derek Shepherd.

"Derek didn't tell you?" Mark stared at her, his mouth opened slightly.

"Haven't you been listening? George told me. I had to hear it from George." She cried, raising both hands to push her wavy dark blonde hair off her face. Her head was starting to pound. "If I had to hear it from someone other than Derek it should have been you. You should have told me. I thought we were friends."

"We are," Mark defended, pushing himself away from the shelf, crossing his arms. "If we weren't I wouldn't have told him to tell you, I would have slapped him on the back and said way to go, Shepherd."

Crossing her arms over her chest, Meredith stared down at the light green tile that covered not only the scrub room but the operating room as well. The lump in her throat had grown, threatening to choke her. She didn't look up when Mark called her name, instead she studied the dark gray laces of her shoes and fought against the burning in her eyes. "There is no such thing as a good man," she murmured, more to herself than him. She had known all along, she just hadn't wanted to face it. Some small part of her had still believed in the fairy tale ending and that Derek would be the one to provide it. What a fool she had been. "They're all lying, cheating bastards."

"Aw, now, come on. Not all of us are lying, cheating bastards." Mark crooked two fingers under her chin, forcing her to raise her head. Her sad green eyes meet his concerned silver ones. "Granted, most of us are but there are a few who aren't. Derek-"

"Isn't one of them. He's the worst sort. You don't realize he's a lying, cheating bastard until its too late. You don't see it coming until wham, you find out he's been sucking face with some stupid nurse named after a flower. And you have to hear it from another guy, who just so happens to be a cheating bastard himself." Meredith paused, taking a deep breath. She studied Mark's face, the sensual lips that looked capable of making a woman beg for more, the smoky eyes that glinted with silver, a strong chin that had the slightest dimple in it. She let her gaze wander down to his hands. Like most surgeons they were smooth, strong, the fingers long and graceful, the palms as soft as a petal. Rumor had it those hands knew what they were doing both in the O.R. and the bedroom. Her tongue darted out, rubbing across her glossed lips. She had never let herself wonder about Mark in a sexual sense before. He had been forbidden, the man who had broken up Derek's marriage, an on again, off again best friend. Derek was no longer a factor though. He had taken himself out of the equation when he had kissed the nurse. She was free to think about, to act on, any feelings she might have where Mark Sloan was concerned. And, she was quickly discovering, there were feelings to be explore.

"Meredith?"

The sound of her name on his lips sent a shiver down her spine. She shook her head, willing the images forming there to leave. They wouldn't though. She was consumed with thoughts of the man before her, erotic thoughts that revolved around his hands and that mouth. If ever a man was made for sin, it was Mark Sloan. She gulped down the lump, stepping towards him. She stepped closer, until her body was a mere inch from his. "Mark," Meredith said softly. She slid her hands up his chest. His heart pounded under her right palm. She raised on her tip toes, pressing her mouth gently against his collar bone. His skin was hot beneath her lips, tasting slightly salty.

"Meredith, what are you doing?"

"Shhh." Meredith walked the fingers of her left hand up his chest, gently laying the middle and index fingers against his lips. She pressed her body closer to his, resisting the urge to smirk when she felt a telling bulge in his scrub pants. Tentatively she stroked her fingers across the long, hard length. The smirk she was trying so hard to conceal tilted the corners of her mouth when she heard a small groan rumble in Mark's chest. Her fingers meandered upwards, gliding across the hard planes of his stomach, dipping into the waist band of his scrubs.

"Meredith," Mark hissed her name out between pursed lips. "You need to stop." His fingers wrap around her tiny wrist, digging into the tender flesh. The slight pain was enough to jar her to her senses. Her green eyes widen. He was right. She needed to stop.

"Oh God," she whispered, yanking her hand away. She bit back and sob, burying her face in her hands. A pair of strong arms engulf her, pulling her up against an equally strong chest. "How could he do this to me?"

"I don't know Mer, I don't know." Mark stroked her hair, holding her close. She closed her eyes, fantasizing for a moment that all was right in the world. "I do know that this isn't your fault."

She pulled back, looking up at him. "You don't know that. Maybe I put too much pressure on him. I have been a bit clingy since I got back. And I wasn't very nice before I left. Maybe I brought this on myself."

"That's ridiculous. You did not bring this on yourself. Derek's a selfish ass. He always has been. He doesn't see what is in front of him until it is gone. Mark my words, he is going to regret what he did and come crawling back."

"Really?" She hated the hope in her voice. She wasn't really wanting him back was she? Part of her wanted to, the other part was to scared to not agree.

"You're not going to take him back." Mark said firmly.

"I'm not?" Meredith blinked.

"No. You're not. You're not even going to let Derek know that you know. You and I….we're going to give him a taste of his own medicine. Tomorrow morning, you're going to meet me forty five minutes before your shift in the third floor on call room…the one right by the nurses station." There was a knowing smirk on his face. She lifted on brow. "We're not going to do anything…but Derek and the nurses don't need to know that."

Meredith grinned, hugging Mark tighter.


	18. Our Song

-1**Our Song (Taylor Swift)**

Choosing a destination for their first date had been relatively easy. After much teasing about eating at fancy French restaurants or living it up at the well known Cheesecake factory, Alex jokingly suggested the ramshackle little vendor on the Pier closest to where the sea lions lounged that served anything from mouth watering onion rings to miniature cheeseburgers that rivaled White Castle in the taste department. They had stumbled on the place on a pseudo date in the days before Denny. He had some good memories in front of that little yellow trailer. When he had suggested going back, he hadn't really thought Izzie would remember it or want to, she had though. The moment the suggestions left his lips she had agreed, even said it was the perfect place.

They had agreed to meet at Joe's, both smiling over the fact that they always seemed to meet at Joe's. Alex leaned back in the chair he was seated in, crossing his arms. He had a perfect view of the bar. And Derek Shepherd. He had always thought Shepherd was a decent guy, even after the man's wife had made an appearance. He was quickly changing his assessment of the guy, watching as the other man drew the dark haired nurse sitting next to close for another kiss. O'Malley had fled the scene in a hurry, no doubt running off to tattle to Meredith. Alex had debated on it, then thought better of it, it wasn't the guy's fault the nurse had kissed him. Until now. Now, as he watched one of his best friend's boyfriend's tangle tongue with a woman who could only be described as average, he had the urge to follow O'Malley's suit and alert Meredith to the fore coming heartbreak before someone else did.

"Are you kidding me?" The soft spoken exclamation came from behind him. He knew without turning around that it was Izzie. Her soft, Gardenia scent had given it away. "Someone needs to tell Meredith."

Alex craned his neck back, the breath leaving his body. She wasn't dressed any special way, just jeans and a long sleeved sweater. The jeans were dark washed and fit her like a glove, accenting the length of her legs and curves of her hips. The fuzzy cashmere of the lavender sweater clung to her breasts, the deep v neck line giving him tantalizing glimpses of the soft mounds of flesh underneath. Her hair hung in slight curls around her face, which was made up to perfection. "O'Malley's told her by now I'm sure," he assured her, the fingers on his left hand reaching to tangle with the fingers of her right hand. He brought their intertwined fingers up, his lips grazing across her's. "Let's not worry about Meredith tonight, okay?" He knew how selfish he sounded, and he hoped it didn't count against him, he just wanted this night to be about him and Izzie, about their fresh start.

"George went to tell her?" Izzie looked down at him, need for assurance darkening her eyes. He nodded and shrugged. "You're not sure he did, are you?"

"He seen them kissing and ran out of here, Iz. He's like a girl, having to tell someone. I'm guessing that someone was Meredith." Rising from the chair, Alex reached for her other hand. "Do you want me to go tell her?"

Izzie caught her lower lip between her teeth. She shook her head after a moment. "No. You're right. George always has to spill the beans. Always." She inched her body closer, laying her forehead against his. "I just want tonight to be about us."

Alex grinned. "Believe me so do I." He couldn't help wiggling his eyes brows. It had been close to a month since he had sex, even then Lexie hadn't been all that great to begin with, and even longer since he had felt Izzie's skin against his.

She must have known the direction his thoughts had taken because she freed one hand and smacked his arm. "If you think you're getting any, you're wrong. We're going to wait this time. I think maybe that was part of our problem before. We always rushed into it. This time, we're going to take things slow. Get to know each other better."

"I think we know each other pretty well," Alex teased. He turned his body, wrapping an arm around her slender waist. Pushing the swinging door open, he propels her outside. The night sky twinkled with a million stars, all of them seeming to smile down. "What, exactly, is it that you think you need to know about me?"

"Not you," Izzie laughed. "Us. We need to get to know who we are as a couple. Like, where is our spot? What do we like to do when we're together? And, most importantly, what is our song?"

Alex crinkled his brow. He felt a bit like a kid in high school. He hadn't known grown women thought those things were important. "The Pier would be our place, if you think about it. We both love to hang out there, which is why we're going there tonight."

"True. So, our place is the pier?" Izzie stepped back as he unlashed the helmets to his bike. He handed her the smaller, silver one before dawning the black one himself. The silver one had always been her's, he had even bought it for her when she had refused to ride without one.

"Yeah. The Pier is our place." Alex agreed. "Which sort of answers the whole what do we like to do together. We hang out at the pier or we just enjoy being in each other's company."

"We do enjoy being in each other's company. I always have, you know. You always seem to know how to make me laugh, or smile. You even know how to make me so mad I want to hit you one minute then have me laughing like some crazy person the next." She fit the helmet over her long, golden hair, tightened the strap. After he had situated himself on the bike, she swung her leg over the seat, fitting her body up flush against his. "That still leaves our song."

"Who says we need a song? Maybe I just like hearing you laugh, or seeing you smile. I don't need a song to remember our good times. They're always here." He could feel his face flush as he lays her hand over his heart.

Izzie was quiet for what seemed to be an eternity. "I don't think I want to go to the Pier anymore" She said softly. His heart sunk. The song thing had blown it for him. "We can go to there any time."

"Where do you want to go?" She wanted to go home. Before she even said the words he knew. He really had blown it. He should have known things were too good too be true.

"I think we should go home. Meredith works tonight. We would have the place all to ourselves." Her hand slid from his heart, down his rib cage to his groin. He sucked in his breath as she cupped him through the denim of his jeans, her fingers massaging the quickly hardening flesh. "Please, take me home, Alex." It was all the invitation he needed. Gunning the engine, Alex shot the bike away from the curb in front of Joe's. Izzie's laughter faded into the night.

Alex couldn't remember a time when he had made it from Joe's to Meredith's so quickly. It was as though the Gods were smiling down, making every red light green and traffic clear. He was swinging his leg over the bike before he even fully killed the engine. Izzie laughed again when he hauled her off the bike. Her laughter was cut short by his mouth crashing against her's. Their tongues tangled together as he walked her backwards toward the front door.

They stumbled into the foyer., his mouth leaving her's to trail wet, open mouthed kisses down her neck. Her head fell back, giving him better access. He was half tempted to strip her down right there. She deserved better though. She deserved for him to take his time, to slowly have her clothes peeled off her body, for him to spend the night making love to her, showing her how he felt.

"Your room or mine?" Alex groaned into her neck. Her hands had worked the snap on his jeans free, as well as the zipper. He could feel her fingers curving around the thickness of his cock, working their way up and down. "Iz…which room?" He couldn't take much more of this. If she didn't stop it would be over before it ever began.

"Mine," she breathed. Izzie stepped back. She grinned at him seductively, her fingers slowly unwrapping themselves from his cock. Next she reached for the hem of her sweater, tugging it over head. The sweater hung from the tips of her fingers then fluttered to the floor. She shimmied out of her jeans, taking great pleasure in torturing him by slithering them slowly down her hips, wiggling till they fell around her ankles. "I have some bad memories that need exorcized." She kicked her jeans and flats aside. Her smile took on a more sultry form as she slid her hands up the front of her body, one reaching behind her back to unhook the purple satin bra she wore.

He couldn't take it anymore, he tugged his own t shirt over his head, tossing it behind him. His jeans followed suit. For a brief moment he had toyed with the idea of strip teasing the way Izzie had. He didn't have time for teasing, he needed to feel her body against his. "I would be more than happy to…exorcize them."

Izzie crooked her finger, motioning for him to follow, backing into her room. Alex was more than happy to oblige. She stopped just short of the bed, letting him catch up to her. He settled his hands on her hips, his thumbs toying with the satin band of her bikini panties. Ducking his head, he caught one of her dark pink nipples in his mouth, his tongue circling the small nub until it puckered. He could feel the erratic beating of her heart, the rapid rise and fall of her lungs. His name whimpered across her lips as he kissed his way lower. He couldn't help smiling against her stomach when she started begging him. He had almost forgotten how needy Izzie was, how much she enjoyed being teased.

He dropped to his knees, nipping at the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. Izzie's fingers dug into his shoulders, a sign that she was demanding more. It amazed him how much he remembered about her body, about her wants and needs. Her nails dug in deeper when his mouth found her clit through the thin satin of her panties. He could taste her desire on his lips as he continued nibbling on the small nub.

"Oh God, Alex, please," Izzie moaned. Please Alex. He loved hearing those two words on her lips. Loved pleasing her even more. Working his fingers into the waist band of her panties, he tugged them down over her hips. She lifted first one foot, then the other, stepping out of them. He started to part her thighs, to draw her clit back into his mouth, when she stepped back. She didn't need the teasing, not tonight. Like him, she just wanted to feel. "

Izzie edged further onto the bed, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. She knew that he knew what she wanted, the question was what was he going to do about it? He could continue teasing her, playing with her body until she couldn't take anymore, or he could give them both what they really wanted. Alex opted for the second choice, shucking his boxer shorts. He knelt on the bed, then crawled up towards Izzie. Her legs parted on their own accord the closer he got to her.

Alex started to reach towards her night stand, where he knew he would find condoms in the little drawer. She caught his arm. "Not tonight. Please. I just…I need to feel you…just you. If…if you're worried…I'm on the pill…" He caught the rest of the sentence in his mouth as he kissed her. They had never made love skin on skin. He could understand her hesitancy in the past. There had been the matter of him cheating, as well as the syphilis he had shared with half the hospital at the start of their internship.

The tip of his penis nudged apart the slick folds of her wet entrance. He gritted his teeth as he fought to take it slow. The walls of her body clenched around him, drawing him further in. He couldn't take it anymore. Gripping her hips firmly, he drove into her, much harder than he meant to. She didn't seem to mind. She hooked one leg over his back, taking him deeper into her. Slowly, he withdrew, then sunk back in. She felt like heaven. No. Not heaven. Home. Izzie felt like home.

"Alex," she panted. He stared down at her face. The glow of passion had flushed her cheeks, and a myriad of emotions were running through her eyes. He didn't get a chance to read them before her eyes fluttered closed and she cried out his name again. This time in release. His won release followed shortly after.

They lay together, a tangle of naked limbs, wrapped in each other's arms. "I have to say," Alex started, pausing to press a kiss against her temple, "that this was a much better first date then the pier."

Izzie laughed. "Yeah. I would have to agree." She snuggled closer to him. "Alex?" Her dark eyes peered at him through thick eye lashes. "I think I could get use to this."

"Good." He tightened his hold on her. "Because I know I could get use to this, and I don't plan on ever letting go."


	19. Drown

-1**Drown (Three Days Grace)**

A cool breeze, heavy with the scent of the ocean, blows through the back parking lot. Arms crossed, head down, Callie walked towards her car. Let's talk, he had said. Against her better judgment Callie had agreed. After work, she had told him. He had been like an eager puppy, nodding his head in and voicing his complete agreement. She had waited for thirty minutes before coming to the conclusion that he wasn't coming. She wasn't surprised, nothing George did surprised her anymore. This was just another example of how low on his radar she was.

She let's one hand slide to her lower belly. She wasn't the only one he had let down. He claimed he wanted this baby, that he was going to be in their life, but how could she let him? He wasn't dependable, he wasn't trustworthy. Every time she gave him a chance to prove his reliability he failed, and failed miserably.

"Callie!" She pauses mid-stride, looking over her shoulder. George jogs towards her, breathing hard. He doubles over, bracing himself by putting his palms against his thighs. "Sorry I'm late," George gasped.

"Thirty minutes George." Callie accuses. It is difficult to look at him. Every time she sees him an image of him and Izzie conjures up in her mind. "I waited for thirty minutes."

"I know. I'm sorry. I got off early, so I thought I would go to Joe's for a bit. Dr. Shepherd was there. Kissing some nurse. I had to tell Meredith. She deserved to know he was cheat-" He stops, pressing his lips together in a grim line. Callie wants to tell him to finish the sentence. Meredith deserved to know the love of her life was a cheat, but Callie didn't.

"Did you tell her?" Callie asks. The breeze picks up, blowing her long dark hair back, plastering her red shirt against her breasts and stomach.

"Yeah. I wasn't sure if I should have, but…" Again he stops. He runs a hand through his curly hair. "We should go to counseling," he blurts out.

"Counseling?" Callie can't help her mouth dropping open. "Why would we go to counseling George?"

He hesitates, his throat working up and down. "So we can work through our marriage problems."

Callie almost laughs. No amount of counseling was going to fix their marriage. "The only problem our marriage had was you screwing that bitch Izzie Stevens."

"Izzie's not a-" She shoots him a look of warning. God help him if he defended that skank. "We had problems Callie. Problems that had nothing to do with what happened with Izzie. We just didn't want to see it."

She lifts her eyebrows. "Did you come to that conclusion all on your own?"

George shakes his head. "No. I've been seeing this counselor. Trying to figure out where I went wrong. Not just with us, but with Izzie, work, my dad's death. It's helped, talking to Dr. Hansen, and I really think you should come with me."

"You're talking to a counselor about what went wrong with Izzie?" She flinches a bit. She can't help focusing on that bit. It feels like a slap in the face.

"My friendship with her. Not…the other. Dr. Hansen says I need to start taking control of my life. He says that if I had taken control in the beginning and put my foot down Izzie wouldn't have thought it was okay to down grade what you and I have." She is too stunned to respond. Dr. Hansen was getting George to see all the things she had tried to make him see. She liked this Dr. Hansen. "And he says that I felt emasculated by your money, and having the affair with Izzie was my way of gaining my manhood back."

Maybe she didn't like Dr. Hansen so much after all. "So you screwing some bleached blonde slut is my fault?" She winces at how shrill her voice sounds. She was trying to let it all go, trying to move past it as best she could, but having George say it was her fault that he fucked Izzie brought it all back full force.

"No. We haven't really talked about your side of things, just mine. This is about how I felt, why I did what I did. Nobody is blaming you Callie, but…" he hesitates, "you have to admit that some of this is your fault."

She shakes her head. She doesn't have to admit any such thing. She isn't the one who betrayed their marriage vows. She isn't the one who started a relationship with someone else. He did those things. He is the one responsible. "Is this what you wanted to talk about? To tell me your shrink and you blame me for your infidelity? If so, this conversation is done." She starts to turn, to walk towards her car, then stops. "You know George, I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. I know I should have told you about my family's money, but you don't know what it is like. When I was growing up I never knew if someone was my friend or not. Did they like me or did they like my money? Do you know why I chose Seattle Grace? Because nobody knew who my family was. I could just be Dr. Callie Torres. If people were my friends it was because they liked me, not my daddy's bank account." She reaches up, brushing hair off her face. "I know I should have told you when we started getting serious. I just…I didn't want it to ruin things." A bitter laugh crosses her lips. "Kind of ironic, don't you think? I didn't tell you because I didn't want to ruin things, but not telling you ruined things anyway." She hates the single tear that slips down her cheek. She has told herself over and over again that she wouldn't cry in front of him.

"Callie…" George reaches a hand out. She steps out of his range. She couldn't handle it if he touched her. Despite the hurt and pain, she still loves him. For that she hates him. It was a difficult thing, loving and hating a person at the same time. "Please. Just one session. Just come with me to one session. I'm not asking you to forgive me or to take me back. I just want us to be able to get along. I don't want our child growing up in a war zone."

She chews her lip, uncertain. After a minute she nods. She could give him one session. That is all though. One session.


	20. Arms Race

-1**Arms Race (Fall Out Boy)**

Blurry eyed, and far from bushy tailed, Meredith stumbled from the driver's side of her almost decrepit Jeep. She wasn't certain how she had made it from her house to Seattle Grace's employee parking, but she had. Her blood shot eyes narrowed when she passed Alex's motorcycle. She ignored Alex's cheery good morning and Izzie's fluttering wave. She was in no mood to exchange salutations with two of the four reasons she had spent the night staring up at her ceiling. Every time she closed her eyes images of Derek playing tonsil hockey with a scrub nurse would flash before her. If that hadn't been bad enough, she had had to listen too her two roommates having what sounded like amazing sex. All night the headboard had banged, almost in time with Izzie moaning Alex's name.

"You look like hell," Cristina mused, meeting her half way to the automatic doors that would permit them entrance into the main waiting area. Meredith growled some unintelligible reply before picking up her pace. If she hadn't been in the mood for Alex and Izzie, she certainly wasn't in any mood for Cristina. "Are you ignoring me?"

"Yes," Meredith snapped. A real bright gal, her best friend. Not too bright though because she wasn't catching the hint. "I've had no sleep. McAss planted bad images of him and his stupid nurse in my head, and the two love birds back there did the nasty all night. All I want to is to go home, crawl back into my bed, and try to sleep. Since that isn't going to happen, I'm going to settle for everyone just leaving me the hell alone!"

"McDreamy," Meredith shot Cristina a warning look, "Sorry…McAss has a nurse?"

"Rose." Meredith spat out bitterly. Who the hell was named Rose in this day and age? Boyfriend stealing nurses, that was who. "Her name is Rose. She's a scrub nurse."

"A nurse?" Cristina repeated. Biting back a flip remark about learning to listen, Meredith nodded. Cristina's lip curled up in disgust. "If he had to cheat couldn't he have at least chosen someone more fantastic than you? I mean, come on when you dipped your toe back into the dating pool you at least picked a vet."

"Cristina!" Meredith gasped. Secretly she had to agree. At least Finn had been in the mid to upper level of the career food chain. Nurses were...well...not near the top.

"Don't Cristina me. You know that I'm right." Cristina shot back. "Nurses are bottom feeders. The lowest of the low."

"You thought that about Finn to," Meredith reminded her.

"No. I said Finn wasn't a real doctor. I never said he was a bottom feeder. All in all, he was kinda nice. This nurse…she's a manipulative bitch." Cristina tossed her dark curls back, yanking the glass doors open.

"How do you know she's a manipulative bitch? Maybe she's just as much a victim of Derek's McDreamyness as I am." Meredith almost laughed at how absurd she sounded. Almost.

"Oh please. Seattle Grace is big, but not that big. Dr. Derek Shepherd and Dr. Meredith Grey are synonyms as far as the gossip train goes. That nurse knew what she was getting into and quite frankly she deserves whatever I dish out to her!"

Meredith stopped dead in her tracks. Her lips parted in shock. She stared after Cristina, not quite certain she had fully understood what her friend had said. Shaking her head, she half jogged after Cristina. "What is that suppose to mean?" Cristina chuckled. "Cristina, what did you mean by that?"

"Life is an arms race, Meredith. There is always bound to be casualties." Cristina cackled, pressing the up button for the elevator. Meredith stared at her friend, eyes wide. Whatever Cristina had planned, she was positive that she wanted to remain in the dark.


	21. Girl Fight

-1**Girl Fight (By Brooke Valentine) **

Things in Lexie Grey's life seldom went the way she planned them. For instance, she had planned on becoming a nurse, but had become a doctor instead. A last minute attempt to please a father that was never pleased. She didn't regret her decision to become a surgeon, just that it hadn't been her own. Another example was the predicament she found herself in now.

She had planned on going her internship without having anything to do with her unknown sister, Meredith. There was no room in her life for more than one sister, especially one that didn't want to be there. However, Lexie had just enough of her mother in her, and when the rumors about Dr. Shepherd, whose name was constantly being linked with Meredith's, and a certain scrub nurse, who didn't look the least bit appealing, started to fly she felt the urge to protect and warn this sister she hadn't planned on knowing.

Lexie took a deep breath, mumbling the little speech she had prepared under her breath, and lifted her finger to ring the doorbell. She hadn't been her since her ill fated one night stand with Dr. Karev. Now that had been an experience. Mediocre sex with her unwanted sister's roommate. Awkward. She had been so pissed when Alex blew her off, but now she could see it was for the best. He clearly loved Dr. Stevens, and Lexie wasn't one to stand between two people in love.

"Yes?" A dark haired woman in her early to mid-thirties stood in the open doorway. There was nothing special about her, Lexie thought with disgust. At least Meredith was pretty, in a waif-ish sort of way, and had the Ellis Grey as a mommy thing going for her. This woman was just…average. "Can I help you?"

"Actually, I'm here to help you." Lexie said in the sweetest voice she could muster. What the hell was she doing here? She didn't owe anything to Meredith and she was quite certain her unwanted sister would be pleased with her doing this. She couldn't help herself though. For better or worse, Meredith was her sister and this woman, who was nothing special, had stolen the only thing good in Meredith's life. Dr. Shepherd.

"You are?" The woman quirked one brow up. It had been over plucked and was pencil thin. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

"I'm Lexie Grey. Dr. Lexie Grey. We work together at Seattle Grace. You also work with my sister, Meredith. I'm sure you've heard of her. Dr. Meredith Grey." Again, she forced herself to speak in sweet tone. It was sickening. Enough to make her gag.

"I'm sorry, but there are so many doctors…" She lifted one shoulder, then let it drop. Lexie narrowed her eyes. So it was going to be this way, was it? Fine. Lexie had dealt with women like this before. Women who pretended that they knew nothing just so they could play the victim if things went bad.

"Fine. Dr. Shepherd, then. I know you've heard of him seeing how you stuck your tongue down his throat last night at The Emerald City Bar," Lexie shot bar. No more nice little sister. This nurse was going down.

"Excuse me?" The woman gapped at her, stunned. Good. Let her be shocked. It was easier to bring them down that way.

"See, the thing is Dr. Shepherd, he belongs to my sister." Lexie said coolly. She lifted her chin, tossing her dark hair back. She met the other woman's gaze, challenging her to disagree. The woman said nothing, just stared back. "And Meredith, she's had a shitty life. She doesn't need some boyfriend poaching scrub nurse to steal her boyfriend."

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your sister doesn't own Dr. Shepherd. I'm sorry that her life isn't going so well, but that isn't my problem." She clucked her tongue, as though she was talking to a small child. "And clearly things weren't very good between them if he felt the need to look else where. Which, he clearly did."

"Clearly," Lexie mimicked. Clearly, the woman was lacking common decency. Clearly, she was nothing but a boyfriend stealing bitch. Clearly, Lexie was going to have to make her point a bit stronger. "Clearly, you are delusional. That whole hospital knows that Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey, my sister, not me, belong to on another. It is some…unspoken rule. Thou shall not intrude upon Dr. Shepherd's and Dr. Grey's relationship. I'm guessing you didn't get that memo. Then again, they don't usually tell nurses anything of importance, do they?"

"I think this conversation is done, Dr. Grey." She started to shut the door. Lexie stuck her foot out, stopping preventing the door from being closed. "Move. Now. Or I call the police."

"Oh, like that is going to scare me." Lexie couldn't resist rolling her eyes. "Listen up, and listen good, stay away from my sister's boyfriend!" The or else was silent.

Lexie slid her foot out, then sashayed away, pleased that for once something had gone according to plan. She hoped. Otherwise, she was going to have some serious explaining to do to a sister she didn't want or need.


	22. Just Another Picture To Burn

-1**Just Another Picture To Burn (By Taylor Swift)**

Gulping down the lump forming in her throat, Meredith gripped the sides of a chart. She could feel Derek staring at her, could feel that McDreamy look of his caressing her back. Tighter, she gripped the chart, barely noticing when the pages started to cut into her palms. Every thing in her head screamed to ignore him, that he had cheated on her, that he was anti-McDreamy. Yet, her broken heart longed to be made whole, and only one person could do that. Derek.

"I tried to call you last night." His voice murmured close to her ear. She flinched slightly when he lifted several loose strands of her honey colored waves. It was a familiar move, him tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Really?" Meredith asked, her voice an odd squeak. There had been no missed calls or voice messages on her phone. A sinking feeling dragged through her stomach. He had lied. It shouldn't have come as a shock, after all he had cheated on her. It did though. She had never been confronted head on with his dishonesty before. It wasn't a pretty feeling.

"Yes, really." Irritation stung in his words. She had hit a nerve in questioning him. Good. "I missed you. Spent most of the evening telling Joe how much I missed you."

Liar! She slammed the chart down, wheeling around so fast her hair spun out behind her. "Really?"

"Yes, really." Again he sounded irritated. "You know this exchange is getting a bit old."

"So are your lies," Meredith shot back. She crossed her slender arms over her chest. Her green eyes narrowed. She waited for his excuse, he would have one.

"Lies?" In his favor, he did look genuinely confused. "What lies Meredith? Is this about Addison again? I thought we had worked through that."

"No. Not Addison. Rose." Meredith spat the name out like bad tasting cheese. All it took was her saying that name for the color to drain from his face. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"It didn't mean anything, and technically we were broken up when it happened," Derek said slowly. She frowned. When had they been broken up? There had been that small window of time just after Cristina's wedding. They certainly hadn't been broken up last night.

Meredith could feel the blood seeping from her face, leaving her with a chalky look. "You slept with her when I was with Cristina didn't you?" It was a rhetorical question. Clearly he had. She felt the muffin Izzie had made her eat for breakfast starting to come up as he nodded. "How…how could you…" She grappled for the counter behind her. Finding it, she curled her fingers around the edge. Something inside her died. The something that was starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, she could live a happy life after all. "You know what, it doesn't matter."

"It does matter," Derek insisted. She shook her head. Nothing he said would fix the damage. It was too deep, too profound. If he had taken a knife and shoved it in her heart he couldn't have hurt her any more. "I didn't mean for it to happen."

"I don't want to hear it!" Meredith whispered. Knowing was bad enough. She didn't want to hear about his affair with Rose.

Derek acted as though he didn't hear her, he kept on "You have to understand, I thought we were over. At Cristina's wedding, when you said 'it's so over' I thought you meant us. I went to Joe's. I needed to just…think. I needed to try and wrap my head around the fact that the woman I loved had just dumped me in a church full of people. I hate to blame what happened on some sort of emotional shock, but there it is. I was emotionally shocked."

Emotional shock? He really hadn't gone there. Had he? Meredith tightened her jaw. "So, were you in emotional shock last night when you and your nurse were making out at Joe's?" She had him there. He couldn't explain himself out of that one.

"O'Malley," Derek muttered. His face darkened for a moment. "I shouldn't have let her kiss me. I realize that now."

"You should have realized it last night! Just like you should have realized that I was the one who was in emotional shock, or whatever it is you thought you had going on. My best friend had just been left at the alter. Not to mention, I drowned! And both my moms died!" Meredith didn't mean for her voice to raise, yet she wasn't apologetic when it did. He was proving himself to be an ass, and the rest of the hospital needed to know. "You know what I think? I think you're not sorry you did it, just that you got caught!"

"If thinking that makes you feel better, then you are welcome to think that way. I am sorry though." Derek started to reach a hand out toward her. She stepped back. "Meredith…we can get through this."

"No. We can't." Her heart cried out against the words that were coming from her mouth.

"Why?" It was strange that he even had to ask. He had cheated. He had lied. "Meredith, I know I was in the wrong. I am willing to work through this if you are."

"Which I'm not," Meredith snapped. From the corner of her eye she spotted Mark sipping on a cappuccino. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date."

"A date?" Derek stared at her.

"Yes. A date. You're not the only person who can sneak around," Meredith sneered. Heart pounding, she marched toward Mark. She grabbed the cup from his hand, tossed it in the trash. "Sorry about not meeting you in the on call room this morning," she said loudly. "I over slept. I must have been more worn out from our…consult…last night than I thought."

Mark quirked an eyebrow up. "Are we trying to make some one jealous?" he whispered in her ear.

"No. I'm trying to save face," she whispered back, trying not to cry. Mark nodded, understanding in his eyes. He cupped her cheek in the palm of one large hand, tilting her head up. And then, right in front of the third floor nurses station and one pissed off Derek Shepherd, he kissed her.


End file.
